BLUE LACE

04

Paige dropped onto her bed moments later, her throat sore from screaming. It was amazing to her that she was still in one piece.

She could survive without her phone, that wasn't what upset her.

She wasn't upset about not being able call or text Emily, or even that she would miss a call or text from her. She was upset that Emily would worry when she didn't respond back. She didn't want Emily to worry. She didn't want Emily to have a shadow of doubt in her mind. That's what pained her the most. Emily would be sad...

Her dad had dismissed everything she had said, saying 'they would talk once her mom was home later that night'. Then he had left to meet her for dinner. She fiddled with the drawstring of swim shorts. She still had her wet bathing suit underneath, clinging to her skin but she didn't feel the need to change. Her eyes stung but she pushed it back, trying her best to be strong. She had to be strong because it was all she knew. She hated her moments of weakness, wishing she could take a knife and slowly cut them out of her body. Guilt punched her in the stomach for even telling Emily about her diving habit. It had always been just a challenge that she made for herself, a game, always trying to out do her last attempt. It seemed innocent enough to her. She shouldn't have said anything to Emily, because the pain she had seen in her eyes was heart breaking. To Emily it wasn't a game, and that truth just made it harder for her to convince herself that it was. Thats what Emily does. She makes her want to be honest, for Emily and for herself. She makes it so easy to not always be the strong one. And her letter...Emily had never read it and yet she had kept it anyways...

She buried her face into her arm, the smell of lavender still on her skin relaxed her body. She hadn't felt tired all day until now.

Physically she was fine but emotionally she was exhausted, and it overpowered her body's protests. She drifted off easily breathing in Emily on her shirt.

Dreaming of the moonlight on Emily's face.

The slamming of car doors jolted her from her dreams, waking her abruptly. Her room was dark now.

She listened to the sounds of movement downstairs. The hallway light flicked on, casting a stream of light under her door. The sounds of footsteps drawing nearer. Her door creaked open and her mom appeared in the doorway.

"Paige?" She whispered, walking over to her bedside. Paige ignored her voice, staring blankly past her mom, feeling numb of all emotion. Her mom touched her hair softly, before speaking again.

"Paige, are you okay?" Her voice sweet.

Paige recoiled from her touch, pushing her body off of the bed and storming into her bathroom, slamming the door behind her and locking it. She leaned heavily against the back of the door for support, sliding down to the floor in a weak heap. Letting her head fall between her knees. She listened, hearing her moms footsteps leaving the room before she breathed out in a sob. 'This is stupid, Paige.' She thought. ' kids get grounded all the time.

Don't be a baby.' She knew it was true but it didn't stop it from hurting. She was competitive, always struggling to stay in control and now, she felt like she was losing it. More than anything it just made her angry that they were trying to be parents now, of all times, they chose now. "After you've fucked me up so much already? Sure, why not?"

Broken was the word she'd use to describe herself. She felt like she was full of cracks and weak spots. Like a piece of coal that her dad was constantly trying to shape into something else because what she was...wasn't ever going to be good enough for him. The potential was there but she knew better than to think that she could be good enough. Emily was the diamond. Everything always came back to that girl. She thought of the way Emily kissed her last night, the way Emily touched her. The way she had sent sparks of electricity through her body. Something Paige had never felt before. Something she never thought she deserved to feel. She clenched her jaw, making her teeth scream out in protest. She pulled herself up off the bathroom floor to turn on the shower, but quickly decided against it. Another idea forming in her mind. A better idea.