BLUE LACE

06

Her mom had set out one of her old quilts.

It was her favorite, the lightest of lavender with small white flowers throughout. Paige stood close behind her in the darkness, just waiting quietly. She fluffed a pillow and gestured to Paige, her breath stalling when Paige laid down before her. Just able to make out the creamy skin of her legs in the darkness, her bare arms. She had taken her hair out of the messy bun and braids and it now cascaded in curls around her shoulders and over her cleavage. She averted her eyes, quickly wrapping the quilt over her body.

She missed the sight of her skin instantly, letting her fingers linger too long over the fabric that she placed over Paige's breasts. She could barely make out her face in the darkness but she could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she pulled her fingers away. Paige moved, grabbing her face so fast that she didn't have time to react. Pulling her into a deep kiss. She crashed hard to her knees beside the couch, leaning over Paige. Melting into her grasp. Why did she want to touch her so much? She felt insatiable, like no amount of touching her would ever be enough. Paige pulled away first, gasping for air. Her eyes sparkled in the darkness, speaking volumes without the need for words. 'I love you.' She pressed a light kiss to Paige's forehead then pulled herself up, tearing herself away before she was unable to control her body and its desires.

Knowing they both needed sleep, she tiptoed towards the stairs.

Everything in her body protested Emily's sudden absence like an unknown illness creeping its way in. She grabbed the quilt lightly in her fingers pulling it up off her leg. Turning the fabric carefully in her fingers. The light purple color matching the scent she found there. The scent of Emily. The lavender hitting her nose relaxed her, but it also brought with it a new kind of fear. I guess she couldn't call it new really, because it was the same fear she always had. Ever since Emily had first entered her life she had feared losing her.

She let the blanket fall, shifting her body.

A slight ache appeared behind her shoulder, making her wince. The same shoulder she had smacked against the door frame of her bedroom. While she was angry at her dad for pretty much everything that was wrong in her life, she knew she was responsible too. He hadn't grabbed her that hard and if she hadn't been so angry in the first place it wouldn't have happened at all. She felt tears burn in her eyes.

She was never into dolls or dresses growing up. Sports were more her thing.

She remembered her dad trying to hold her on the bleachers while she cried over a lost tee-ball game when she was five.

She had pushed him away. And when he taught her how to ride her bike without training wheels. She had screamed at him to just let go of the bike because she was ready to do it on her own, but he wouldn't. He was so afraid she would get hurt.

Suddenly she couldn't even remember where it all went wrong. She had become more competitive as she grew and he had accepted the fact that she didn't want to be seen as a fragile little girl, so he eventually pushed back. They fed off of each other. Both of them pushing and shoving until she finally just broke.

Finally wanting to be the scared little girl who reached for her dad when she cried.

Her chest hurt. Guilt making itself known.

But even everything wrong in the last 17 years couldn't outweigh the good in the last year. The good that Emily had given her.

She stopped with her foot just above the first step, hovering in mid-air, she hesitated, listening. The house was quiet except for the sound of Paige shifting around on the couch, getting her body comfortable. She wouldn't be able to hear it once she reached her bedroom. She moved to climb the stairs again but her body wouldn't budge. Surprised by how saddened she was when she thought of not being able to hear Paige moving restlessly. Knowing that she would be too far away, and that even though she was exhausted...sleep would evade her.