The air suddenly felt ten times heavier. My lungs felt like collapsing at the lack of oxygen. I wanted to breath. My eyes were shut and so was my respiratory system. The idea of opening them to take in my surroundings was pleasing, but not as much when I realized what was there; My dad — his paralyzed body floated meters away from mine, unmoving and like a rock sinking into the ocean and onto the deep floor.
This time his eyes were wide open in fear, his electrifying blue eyes matched to the color of the ocean he was currently drowning in. They didn't look scared. Not even close; they looked empty. It was indescribable. Like the life was sucked out of them and his face wore a strange expression which sent me alone sick in the stomach.
I took a deep breath, getting ready to really save him this time.
Before I could make my next move, I was choking underwater already forgetting unlike my previous times, this one I couldn't breathe surrounded by the body of water. My vision got blurrier and opening my eyes was a much harder task than I could imagine. I hated the fact that I couldn't do anything about it and wanted to yell at myself. This was my fault, my fault, my fault.
I felt like dying too.
"D-daddy" I choked out, my voice muffled underwater with the demonic void that was filling my lungs more and more each second. Those were my last words before all I saw was pitch black and sunk to the bottom.
I silently jerked up from the ground again taking in a whole lot of smoke-free air. It felt relieving to have oxygen in my lungs, even the limited air from the tiny spaced room felt fresh. Tears threatened to spill but I refrained myself from doing so. Although the date flew back years ago, each nightmare, each moment felt more extrutiating and torturing than the next. I kept reliving each one over and over again as if I was on a looping roller coaster turning the same loophole over and over.
Another reason why I hated sleep, yet my body longed for it almost every second of the day.
I looked at Hayden who still lazily slept in his own bubble. His snores lightly filled the room, the sunrise already reflecting on his body and the mess of his hair falling all over his face like pints of light brown paint. He looked peaceful.
Maybe just maybe, after all of this would be over... I could experience that. The lazy feeling of waking up on an early morning. No worries, no nightmares to keep me paralyzed and scared. Not a single feeling of loneliness... Like Hayden looked.
And the worst part was that I was going through all over this alone. No one was there to soothe me and persuade me that things would be okay. That job was only for myself. When my dad died, a piece of my mother did too. Matters fell even worse when she found out I had this hidden part of me. She just... switched sides like a TV channel on a normal day.
I held a shaky breath, my throat already feeling dry. The discarded bottle of water lay several feet away from me. I reached out to it and hesitantly opened its cap. There was only a small amount left; barely a sip.
Even right now just anything was good enough for me so I poured the liquid down my throat already feeling a sense of satisfaction.
It occurred to me that the room stank, the horrid smell already pooling its way up to my nostrils. I tilted my head downwards and took a sniff at myself. My expression fell and I scrunched my nose in disgust. The smell was me — I haven't showered in probably three to four days.
Every five days or so, guards entered the room with a tray of water mixed with something which turned its clear body into a translucent white color. Given the fact, they'd thirst me for longer than usual and I'd be parched with thirst at the first second my eyes land on the glass cup. Then, I'd fall unconscious and return back to my room clean and fresh.
