Adam

B

A//N Adam/Lane as miles teller ^

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There's this thing I do, it's kind of like a way for me to just stop thinking.

I let my head sink into my bath, and hold myself under for as long as I can, and then I come up there is nothing on my mind. The voices stop, and it's silent for 5 seconds.

somewhere hidden deep inside of me, is this longing for something more than myself. It's a crazy feeling, because like I said- I don't have the ability to care.... anymore. But somehow I care in some sense. Or maybe that's just the smallest part of me, Adam is his name. And he has a story of his own. A story I hate telling, but a story that must be told.

Part of me hates that he's there, hates that he has to be inside of someone so different from him. The people inside of me never get older, they just stay there, it's like they are crystallized like fossils inside of me, a historic museum of the psychotic arts. Sometimes I feel like the people inside of me, are really just the ghosts of me, of who I used to be. Like the exoskeleton of my older existence, the boy I was, before..... the death of me.

And the birth of this person who I don't claim any longer, Adam.

My given name at birth, was

Lane Phillip greisner.

He was a charming boy, freckles spread out over chubby cheeks, my eyes were hazel, my lips never hinting a frown. I was a cheerful soul, a boy who had no clue of his own mortality.

I died when I was 12.

Bellian. She was the girl I wanted to marry, we had known each other since birth.... when my mother had relations with her mother, we fell in love as children. Swore to each other that we'd never separate, she's the closest thing I had to being loved. She was everything that I had always wanted, she was everything my mother couldn't give. Everything that my father never had the chance to give, everything that I craved.

Bellian Jane Martinas.

She had brown waves that reached her stomach, her legs long, her frame small, skinny. She was taller than me, smaller than me too. Her eyes were hazel, her lips small, her nose pointed and small too. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on, everything about her was completely perfect. And I could no longer imagine myself with anyone else other than her, I think that was my first mistake.

It was a cold November night, my bicycle wheels spinning just quickly as the wind that chapped my lips, I watched as my breath turned white with the wind and then dissolved into nothing. I was three blocks away from her house, thinking to myself that I couldn't wait to see her. It wasn't soon after that, I heard a car speeding up, it's engine revving until it's wheels peeled out of the watery and icy road.

And then, boom.

There was no pain, my body just suddenly felt warm, and I thought to myself it was weird, because it was only 40 degrees. I also found it weird that I was in no pain, and al I could hear was the sound of my own breathing as it hitched in my throat.

Sirens woke me up, and the last thing I saw was blue and red lights, and my bicycle mangled in the road as I was being picked up.

I woke up after two years, of being in coma. I was told I died 3 times.

For the first time in my life I realized what life meant to me, and then suddenly what it didn't.