21 and ready for law school -- Aisha's eyes are finally opening to see the true darkness that lies inside herself and Delontae. What will she do about it??
"I don't believe we were put together, not to be together.. and I don't believe I got myself in this predicament, I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry, for everything I ever did wrong.. and I'm begging you please.. just come back home.. you're the one for me.."
SONG: YOU'RE THE ONE BY DONDRIA
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I can feel his presence while I lay here in the bed, scared to look at him when he finally walks back in our bedroom. He moves around the room and finally cuts off the light. And when Tae gets in the bed, he turns his back to me..
So I do like I always do, and I scoot over under the sheets, until I get right up under his duke, and wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle in the quiet of his tattoos, so I can suck on his back and go to sleep.
"Get off me Isha." He tells me. And he reaches back and pulls my hands off him.. and he scoots all the way over on his side of the bed, to the edge.
"Makin' me have to go with out my shit and what I need to keep my head straight, stay the fuck over there on yo side, don't say shit and don't fuckin touch me," he grouches at me, telling me I'm the reason why he can't fuck me or touch me. So he mad at me.
And that shit hurts so bad? That shit he said hurts me so fuckin' bad. To the core. I fight to catch my breath.
Just that gesture from him -- hits me with a fucking pain, that hollows my heart out and rocks my world. I grab my stomach as the fear of him leaving me or not loving me no more rises up in my throat--
I jump up and run to the bathroom and throw up...
I might as well just stay in here. I sob out to myself and grab my stomach--
I'm pregnant again. I've even got a doctor's appointment today at 2:30 and he hates me.. I grip the toilet.. please. Please. Please God, don't let him hate me, I did what I had to do..
I wash my mouth out , and suddenly realize, Delontae didn't run in here to check on me... oh God. He don't love me no more.
I tremble and wipe my face, taking deep breaths. But I've forgiven him for sooo much shit, my mind suddenly pounds into my heart, and my anger rises with my sadness and fear. I did whatever I had to do, I didn't mean to hurt him, I did what I had to do for my sons.. and if he hates me for it. If he hates me now.. I guess.. I guess I'll just focus on my children.
I did what I had to do, for him and my sons. I love him, just that much.
"Please don't hate me Tae," I whisper and cry into this towel..
When I finally get the nerve to come out of the bathroom, I glance at him, and I guess he's asleep. So I take a deep breath and lay back down on my side.
This is the most awful feeling... of all my days of marriage..
"You alright?" Delontae asks me with his back turned and I jump.
