[corbyn]
it was hard avoiding him. it was. it broke me to even not catch a glimpse of his beautiful face. i went asleep in my bunk by myself last night. daniel bumped into me in the morning and i don't think he knew i knew. i wanted to keep it that way.
"everything ok?"
i couldn't lie. i didn't answer. i caught a glimpse of his worried face as i exited the bus. bad idea. jonah was outside. and he looked dead at me.
"morning" he said kicking the pavement and playing with the strings of his hoodie.
"morning" i said brightly yet fakely. he didn't make eye contact i didn't expect him to.
"um i'm going to get coffee" i pointed trying to calm the tension between us.
"do-so you want to come?" i let out.
um corbyn? are you stupid? why are you inviting him?
"is it ok with you?"
i gazed back at him softening the expression on my face to look like i was ok. i smiled and nodded at the direction of the street. the thing with jonah is we get along really well. i guess jonah spends so much time with daniel and jack and zach are the two dysfunctional kids in the group that we have to pry off each other. and then there's me. corbyn besson.
"what do you want?" i said softly to jonah.
he furrowed his brows in confusion.
"your not"
"yes i am jo let me pay"
the nickname made his cheeks go lightly pink.
"sorry" i said giggling.
"nah it's ok" jonah laughed out.
after what seemed like 50 years he finally let me pay. i just wanted to make everything seem ok. we sat in silence on the stools. jonah turned his chair to look at me.
"can i talk to you?" he said glumly.
oh shit.
"yeah?" i said with a crack in my voice.
he looked nervous as he dangled his legs down colliding with mine.
"...last night...um well you see..."
i know he was trying to explain the situation. he chewed on the side of his cup. i took his hand in mine. i wanted him to explain. again i wasn't mad at jonah. or daniel. i was mad at myself. what i did.
"are you and daniel ok?"
trey's name in my mind sent goosebumps down my whole body and jonah felt the reaction of my skin. he moved his hand away from mine as i stuffed it in the pocket of daniel's hoodie.
"...how much do you know?" i whispered.
"nothing just that...daniel was upset"
i moved my gaze from the floor to his face. the tension in the air between two guys who'd done something wrong.
"...i saw you" i mumbled trying to hold back tears.
jonah's eyes widened.
"w-what?"
"you kissed him i know" i said. i shifted my gaze back down to the floor as silent tears fell through my eyes. jonah lifted my chin and wiped my tears.
"i'm sorry" he said trembling. his leg started to vibrate out of anxiety. i let my hand rest on his thigh to try to calm him down. his hazel eyes started to pile pools as i moved his hand away from my cheek.
"...does he know? daniel?" i said taking a sip of my coffee.
"about what?"
i stopped dead in my tracks. daniel didn't know about trey. jonah didn't know about trey. my instant reaction was to leave the shop.
"co-corbyn!" jonah said rushing to me. i couldn't look at him. i was crying too much to even let out words of my own. he looked at my eyes as tears and tears came out. he pulled me in a hug resting his chin on my head pulling my torso closer i could hear his heartbeat. it was quickened.
"i'm sorry i'm sorry for what i did don't blame daniel it was me" jonah sobbed out.
"i'm not upset about that"
jonah kissed my forehead as he let go of me interlocking our hands.
"then why are you upset?" he said wiping my tears.
"...there's this guy" i mumbled.
"and he sexually harassed me" i said breaking down.
"no no no" jonah said pulling me back into a hug.
i didn't care if others were looking. i wanted to disappear. i wanted to be left alone.
"is this why you and daniel have been..."
"i can't tell him jo" i choked through tears.
jonah kissed my cheek as i wiped the rest of my tears with daniel's hoodie.
"keep it between us" he said staring back at me.
i sniffled. i couldn't keep this from daniel. i couldn't.
"what?"
jonah's gaze looked back at the bus a few blocks down.
"he's in a rough place...for what he did"
jonah bit his lip as a tear fell from his eye as he quickly wiped it away.
"corbyn i'm sorry. i-i didn't mean it i don't expect you to forgive me" jonah said pulling the hood over his head and laid his back against the alley way wall burying his head into his legs. i bent down.
"our secret"
jonah spoke with a stutter.
"w-what?"
i helped him up into a hug. none of us deserved the pain that we'd both gone through. i kissed his cheek as gazed back into his eyes. and down to his lips.
"we should get back" i said looking away.
jonah nodded as we walked back to the bus. it was quiet. it didn't feel like we had anything else to say. i didn't blame him for anything. i made a worser mistake.
"i love you" i said glancing at him.
"i love you too"
he was my brother. my best friend. you couldn't expect me to hate him forever. as soon as we both saw daniel we looked back at each other. with the same look.
"corbyn" he started.
i kissed him. it was the only relief that i could feel. he cupped my face as he kissed back a smile forming on my face.
"i love you dani i always will"
he looked broken inside. i can't make him even more broken telling him about trey. or what happened.
