Random Thoughts of Mine

Can I

Just now my favorite boygroup just release a video about their new rings. Those rings symbolizes a lot to them and with us as well. I know Im over reacting here but being a fan of them for over 4 years makes me cry more. I think I am being left out, I can't even buy their merchandise and even vote regularly but still they give their best for us.

Being a fangirl sucks a lot at naiinis ako. I love them but I know that they were also the one who's blocking me towards the Lord. That when I realize that I have time to watch their videos like hundred times, read long articles about them and sharing all their achievements but no time to read the Bible and even go to church. I feel so ashamed of myself! I suck and I hate myself being like that. I always tell myself that the Lord will understand me but I know that He is also a jealous God who is now in pain because of my attitude towards Him. And I am sorry about that, why am I even like this?
Do you have a moment like this? When you're overthinking about the consequences you'll get because of your impulsiveness. Girl! Idk. I prefer to not overthink but still I can't! It's the most relationship that I have and yet I am ruining it ㅠㅠ It's a lame excuse and Idk.

Can someone help me?