Letters to Teacher

Chapter Five

Dean drove home in silence. The windows were up and the radio was off. He was afraid if he let the outside world touch him, all of this would become reality; Castiel would be gone forever.

Once home, Dean took off his clothes and got into the shower. He didn't need a shower but he always found it the best place to cry. If anyone was around or stopped by shortly after crying, he could always go straight to the soap in the eyes lie. It was the only way to cry growing up with his father.

After a good forty minutes, Dean turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. He wasn't done crying but the water was done being hot. He would have to pick up where he left off in the morning.

Heading to his room, Dean stopped when he heard a pounding sound. Of course, someone would choose now to show up at his place. His luck was clearly all out.

Dean wrapped his towel tightly around his waist and made his way to the front door. Swinging it open, Dean took a deep breath, only to find that no one was there.

"What the?" Dean began to step out, only to be stopped by banging once again. It was coming from the kitchen.

Dean made his way into the kitchen, flicking on the light and looking around.

"Cas?" Dean couldn't believe his eyes. Castiel was standing at his back door.

Dean wanted to turn around and shut off the light. Castiel had made his feelings perfectly clear and the last thing he needed was his heart trampled on more. But it was Castiel. Dean couldn't walk away again; he didn't have it in him.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked as he opened the sliding glass door.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded. He stepped aside and let Castiel enter his kitchen. "Why did you come to the back door?"

"Figured there would be less of a chance of me being seen."

"Okay," Dean could agree with that. But that didn't answer his question. "What are you doing here, Cas?"

"I went home and I thought about everything that happened." Castiel walked around his kitchen, looking around, while he talked. "And I realized how stupid I was being."

"I ..."

Dean honestly had no idea what to say. Did he get happy and say that everything is okay? Was everything okay? How flighty was Castiel? Dean was not about to get his hopes up again just to be shot down.

"We can talk," Castiel said as he turned back to face Dean. "We will talk. Every day. I'm not ready to lose you. Are you ready to lose me?"

"Of course not."

"Good." Castiel smiled. "Can I see your house?"

"Uh." Dean reached up and rubbed the back of his head, suddenly remembering that he was wearing nothing but a towel. "Sure. Can I go put some clothes on first?"

"No," Castiel shook his head. "I like this tour guide outfit you have on now."

"It's very," Dean looked down at the small towel wrapped around him. It didn't cover much, only the part he would need covered "Revealing."

"We could start with the bedroom."

"Cas?"

"What?"

"Are you trying to get me in bed?"

"I was going to start with getting you out of that towel." Castiel looked Dean over as he made his was over to stand in front of him. "If we happen to make it to the bed after that, then that is where we end up."

"Are you sure about this?" Dean asked. Small alarms were going off in his mind, but if Castiel wanted this, he wasn't going to say no. Who knew when they would get this chance again.

"Yes," Castiel confirmed. "But I'm going to be completely honest with you. I've uh, I've never done this before."

"How much have you done?"

"I've kissed someone," Castiel admitted. "And I've used my own fingers on myself before. But, that's about it."

"Okay," Dean nodded. "Come with me."

Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and led him up the stairs and into his bathroom.

"Are we going to take a shower together?"

"Yes," Dean confirmed. "Unless you would prefer not to."

"No." Castiel shook his head. "I want to."

Dean reached in and turned on the shower, hoping it had enough time to get some hot water back. He then turned back to face Castiel, reaching out to slide his fingers under the hem of his shirt. Castiel lifted his arms, giving Dean permission to remove it.

Dean worked slowly to remove Castiel's clothes. He wanted to both take his time with him and also give him as many chances as he needed to back out. The last thing Dean was going to do was rush this.

"You're shaking," Castiel informed Dean.

"I'm nervous," Dean admitted.

"Why?" Castiel cocked his head to the side and Dean for a moment lost control of his knees. "Haven't you done this before?"

"It's been a long time since I've done this with someone I love."

"Dean," Castiel spoke, reaching over and grabbing Dean's chin so he could make him face him. "Get in the shower."

"That's supposed to be my line," he laughed.

Dean didn't argue though. He dropped his towel, not missing the moment Castiel got the full look at him. He was a mixture of pleased and scared. Dean knew he was bigger than Castiel, but none of that mattered. Castiel was beautiful.

Dean pulled Castiel into the shower, thankful when they were met with hot water. They stayed under the spray for a few moments, letting it cover their bodies.

After a few moments, Dean grabs the soap and starts washing Castiel's body, slowly rubbing and massaging everywhere his hands could reach. He had already washed himself twice this evening, so he had all the time he needed to take care of Castiel.

"Dean," Castiel spoke, leaning himself back against him.

"Yeah," Dean asked.

Dean was still shaking, even more so now that Castiel's naked body was pressed up against him. He had never wanted someone so badly. But, he knew if he didn't pace himself, he wouldn't be able to make this right for Castiel.

"Why haven't you kissed me yet?"

"Would you believe that I'm scared to?"

"You are washing my naked body," Cas laughed lightly, "but you are scared to kiss me?"

"Yeah," Dean sighed.

"Why?"

"Because if I kiss you," Dean spoke as he turned Castiel around in his arms so they were facing each other, "I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to keep myself under control."

"Dean." Castiel moved forward again, their bodies connecting again. "I'd like you to kiss me now."