UNO DIVIDE : Male Youth : BOOK 1

CHAPTER 8 : Feeling Heart Pt. 2

Location: Bus
Day: Thursday
Date: March 18th, 2019
Time: 5:02 P.M.
    After their second fanmeet since Kimino left, the 11 boys were onboard the bus. Some sleeping, some playing games with each other, and others just whispering among their seatmates.
    Noah glances at his phone when he feels it buzz and he smiles.
    Ren Ren <3 : Hi, are you okay? You seemed upset during the fanmeet.
    I'm fine, love. Are you doing alright?
    Renly mentally dies at the pet name before responding.
    Ren Ren <3 : Well yeah I'm totally cool.
    Noah shakes his head knowing Renly was lying and just trying to put up a strong front because he was their leader. He unbuckled his seatbelt and crawls to the front of the bus. Renly flinches as he felt something touch his arm, he looks down and is shocked to see Noah.
    "What are you doing? Go back to your seat, I don't want you to get hurt," Renly whispers as he looks at Noah in the dark. Noah scoots closer and sighs, "I'll be fine, you're the one I'm worried about." Renly turns away from Noah's gaze and looks out the window, "I just miss him.. I see how it has changed everyone for the bad. Koi doesn't make his jokes anymore, Enti doesn't even speak, Kilo blames himself, Cole threw away all his clothes that had even a little bit of pastel blue, Ethan is angry all the time and can't even sleep in his dorm, Shima just keeps to himself during group discussions, Li gosh where do I begin.. It's as if his soul died, and his mood swings are worse than before, Zica doesn't smile much or help out like he used to. The only person that seems unaffected is Axel and I know it's only because he hides his feelings. We're not the same without him, Noah. I should've been a better leader and friend and convinced him we could be just as good as  the group he is involved with now." By the time Renly finishes he is in tears, using his hoodie to try to hide it from Noah.
    Noah pushes the armrest up and puts his arms around Renly, "You shouldn't try to hide these feelings. You're just as human as you are our leader, you're allowed to feel these type of things. But you also shouldn't worry so much about the others, they each have a way of dealing with this and you have no control over that. Just like you had no control over him leaving, you didn't even know he was thinking of leaving, and regardless of if you had said anything it wouldn't have changed much. All we can do is wish the best for him and move forward as Uno Divide."
    Renly nods and wipes his face as he scoots over giving Noah room to sit with him. They stay like that for the rest of the ride, holding each other in their arms.
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Axel knew most of the other boys were asleep and those that weren't were feeling upset. Enti sat next to him, holding a fox plushie a fan gave him earlier, and silently watched the raindrops trickle down the window. Axel unlocks his phone to show Enti a photo of some stuff the fans gave him, he nonchalantly says, "They're so sweet, but you're sweeter Tino." Enti nods and turns back to the window, resting his head against it. Axel sighs, he never speaks anymore.. I'm not sure what else I can do at this point to make him happy..
He scrolls through his instagram as he softly plays with Enti's hair hoping the younger knows that he will always be there for him. Enti tenses up for a moment before slowly scooting closer to Axel hoping the older won't notice. After a few minutes Enti is basically comfortably cuddled into Axel's side, now resting his head on Axel's shoulder. Axel smirks and continues looking through his phone as he removes his hand from Enti's hair. The younger boy softly whines and tries to put Axel's hand back without seeming desperate. Instead of doing what Enti wants him to do, Axel sticks his hand in his sweatshirt pocket not even paying attention to what's on his phone now. Enti pouts and tugs on Axel's sleeve, Axel glances down at him humming "yes?"
Enti's voice comes out choked as he whispers two words, "hand. Hair." Axel nods and kisses his forehead before running his hands through Enti's hair again. 3 months. It's been 3 months since he's spoken a single word. His voice may be raspy, but it's music to my ears.  Axel thinks as he puts Enti in his lap.
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    Ethan had fallen asleep on Shima's shoulder as Shima played with his hair. Cole sat their awkwardly, he had tried his hardest to be the best 'Cole' he could be, but now he was tired and in no mood to try to fake his personality, he was himself, he was Sang Chul Bak. He placed all of his wacky accessories into his backpack and put on his maroon hoodie. Shima paid him no mind, not happy with how he now had to sit next to the annoying hyung.
    Cole put in his earbuds and closed his eyes, letting his thoughts take over. The Rose's 'She's in the rain' plays as memories of the day Shima slapped him comes flooding back.
    "I hope you realize that you're nothing like Mino. In many ways he has helped this group, and you repay him by saying you'll take his spot?" Shima is right.. I could never be as talented or loved as Mino is by everyone. The other members always noticed immediately when something was wrong with him.. Why does no one ever notice me.. I'm just narcissistic and annoying. "God you're annoying, I wish you would think before you speak sometimes, then maybe I'd even like you."
I remember when I left to go buy everyone drinks. They all were upset at me when I got back later than I said I would.. But none of them knew what I did.. None of them checked on me.. At least they stayed true to their word, "We just need to focus on Mino, got it?"
As Shima is playing with Ethan's hair he hears a clunk. He looks around and notices his water bottle had fallen and rolled over to the door. When Shima reaches for his water bottle he notices that Cole looks different than when they all got on the bus. Shima shrugs, whatever he's probably just tired.. Not that it matters, we're all tired. He feels Ethan's head fall into his lap so Shima decides to get his water bottle later.
As the song ends, the lyrics "You wanna hurt yourself, I'll stay with you. You wanna make yourself go through the pain. It's better to be held than holding on" sticks with Cole. How come no one was there to stop me when I was deciding to tighten the belt or not. How come no one was there to take the blade. No one was there to comfort me. Cole wipes the tears that begin falling fast. Shima is right, all I do is cause problems. Maybe if I wasn't annoying I would be in Ethan's place.. But I'm not good enough. I should've been the one to leave, everyone would still be okay if it were me and not Mino.
Ethan adjusts himself so he is resting his head against the window. Shima grabs his phone to listen to music but he notices it is on 5% so he taps Cole's shoulder. Cole gasps and jumps as he turns a bit to look at Shima. Shima looks at him in confusion man why is he so jumpy. "Hey sorry to wake you up, I was just wondering if I could borrow your charger, my phone is dead." Cole nods and grabs his bag, looking for the charger.
    As Cole rummages through his bag, Shima examines his body language. Cole appears calm but he is carelessly throwing his stuff around. Something he would never do before, he is always super gentle with his things. When he finds it, he throws it to Shima and mumbles "just give it back whenever." Cole puts his earbuds back in and scoots closer to the edge of the seat. Shima was in conflict within his mind, and with that it made everything more confusing. Was..Was Cole...no..crying?.. It couldn't be anything else due to two small orbs on his chin. When Cole cried..the color of his eyes sure did come out.