Signs

IX. 3 Hours of Sleep

I only sleep about 3 hours a night. Used to be more than half a day before. I'm not sure what's worse but I will say that I do more in a day with 21 hours of the day to go.

People are only awake for an average of 14 hours before they begin to shut down. Yet with so much time I become bored. Or at least when I fight sleep during briefs at work, I hallucinate and see 2 of an instructor or even someone casually crash a vehicle into the building and get out to address us. It's not safe nor healthy.

Above is what I began to write many years ago. Still today, nothing has really changed except where I live, what I've experienced, and even my writing skills. My job is different and on the way up. Even after about, I'd say probably six years, I still don't get enough sleep. I think I'm afraid of it.

Sleep used to be the worst thing in daycare, and then the best up to high school. You could skip through days and have amazing dreams, if you have any that is, to just escape. Sleep gave you a key to time traveling, the only con is you can only skip forward.

Today I wish I could've slept less then and sleep more now.

I once had a night shift job and figured that would be the best for me. To feel the night be used by a night owl such as my self, but it just didn't cut it.

Dreams are meant to be lived, when I am awake I imagine so many great things from imaginary characters for a book, a plan for the future, or even what my family and friends might be up to.

When I go to sleep today the nightmare is it'll be about someone I don't see anymore. A time I wish I didn't sleep away. One more waking moment to see that person and I slept it away.

I'm not talking about high school anymore.

I've seen many come and go. The truth is, it's out of my control and your control. An itch to see them one more time. Funny enough that's not the worst part for me. It may have been for the past three years, but 3 years is a long yet short time to find something else.

Today I'm afraid of waking up to disappointing others, mainly myself and those that have passed in the last 16 years. Got to keep going, got to keep pushing.

One thing to learn is having the resiliency to wake up and keep walking, yet I'm so tired. I know I can keep sleeping and waking up and walking. Time will only get faster from here.

I need to keep focused and get more sleep. Worry more about what matters than what doesn't. Keep pushing to impress who needs to be impressed. That includes my boss and future employers, my family, my friends.

I dream about having the strongest back and shoulders to be able to carry the world's burdens, yet how can I do that if I only sleep three hours.

It gets harder and harder to wake up which makes it that much harder to sleep. I'm afraid I won;t make it to important events on time, or that I've gotten too comfortable to lay in one spot and accept that sleeping on weekends is more acceptable than during the working week.

One day I dream of that day. If I want to make it happen I will have to start tomorrow. If I don't I will have to start the day after and after. I need to keep trying because that's all I can do to practice sleeping, the easiest skill a person could ever have.

I pray it won't be too late when I get it right, because by then--

I won't wake up...