Unbelieving (A Johnlock Fanfiction)

A Door of Glass

I see him. I see him and I can't move. The thousand butterflies and the millions of stars, the oceans and the skies, all come together to show me, to

see

me

and I can't move.

It was never hard for me to feel. It was always hard to show, and I'm failing again and again

and again.

I'm failing him again.

I don't want to fall, not again. Don't want to go down that path.

He's beautiful. He's so so precious.

And he can feel.

There are some times he needs me to know how he feels because sometimes,

he doesn't.

He tells me again and again and again

and again

that he wouldn't have let me do this, wouldn't have made me decipher his mind for him if he had someone else to do it.

He told me once that he needed a scribe. A scribe for his heart because he was too broken to do it.

And it broke me.

I broke again and again

and again.

His words stabbed me and strangled me and tangled me

and caressed me and put me to sleep when I had no one. When I had no one, I had his words and they kept me afloat again and again

and again.

My love is a door of glass that never lets me get too close. To myself, to him. I want to touch and feel and revel in the sweetness of his scent and the crystals of his eyes and the poetry of his mind, I want to touch everything and feel every bit of him, I want to break him apart just so that I could stitch him up again

and slip some fibres of myself into him so that a part always lives with him; I will become his and he will be

mine.

But my love is a door of glass that I keep scratching at, just to get a glimpse of another me. Another me that got too close, and I see him.

And I want to unsee him.

Because he is too close and he is not me.

I see a shattered door of glass through mine, I want to see him; I want to touch him and know him. I want to write him down and sew him up; I want to paint him with the clouds and the stars and I want to paint him grey

to match me.

I open my door and I run out; I run to find him; I find his scent and then I find him.

I

see

him.

And I'm drowning.

I want to love him but

my love

is a door

of

glass.

~

This can be read in both the points of view, you haven't missed anything.

This is just a sort of filler I'm sorrreeeeeeaaeeeeeyy I'm very very extremely ohmygodly busy with things I don't want to get busy with I have my e X aMs.

eugh.

But I'll see you soon

Bai

ily.