Awkward Gospel

Chapter 1: A Chaste Evening of Sexual Frustration

Chapter One

Things were different after the apocalypse.

That was just the sort of trite obvious thing to say that Crowley hated. Of course things would be different after the apocalypse. The thing was, by definition, world-changing.

Only it wasn't supposed to be, not this time. The whole point of everything he and Aziraphale had done over the past eleven years was meant to prevent any major, apocalyptic-type things from happening to their beloved adopted home. And, with no real thanks to their dogged efforts, the world hadn't ended. Adam had saved them all.

That didn't mean there had been no changes though. Crowley supposed that ultimately change was the nature of Earth, but it wasn't generally within the realm of angels and demons. That was why Crowley was nearly beside himself with shock one day when he dropped by Aziraphale's bookshop and discovered the angel in state he had never seen him in before.

There was music playing in the shop. Music coming from the radio. Pop music. Customers were wandering the store with slight smiles on their faces as they glanced up from time to time at the normally withdrawn and excessively polite proprietor. And there was Aziraphale, walking among them, recommending titles, doing a strange slight wiggle to his hips, and....

"Are you wearing jeans?" Crowley had to ask, utterly flabbergasted.

Aziraphale stopped dancing abruptly and the music stopped with him, suggesting that the radio had only started playing in the first place from shear encouragement rather than from simply being turned on. The angel blushed furiously and quickly excused himself from the conversation he'd been having with a middle-aged woman.

"Um. Hello, Crowley," he said hesitantly. "I, uh, didn't expect to see you today. Didn't you say something about going into town to do some shopping?" Aziraphale looked down awkwardly, but it didn't help any because now they were both staring at the bright blue jeans he was indeed wearing.

It wasn't that they looked bad. The jeans were clearly a designer brand and Aziraphale was wearing them with a tasteful tan cardigan. The problem was that the whole outfit looked so...twenty-first century. It had been millennia since Crowley had seen him look so modern. And then there was the music and the dancing and the encouraging customers to buy books.

"What in blazes has gotten into you?" Crowley burst out. "Have you been possessed?"

That made Aziraphale press his lips together in a firm line. "You needn't be so critical. I don't criticize the way you dress."

"I seem to recall a number of comments on my tight trousers that would indicate to the contrary," Crowley said dismissively, "but that's not my point. Since when have you ever willingly decided to dress down? Don't tell me you've been hiding casual Tuesdays from me for the last hundred years."

Aziraphale opened his mouth then noticed that they were beginning to draw the attention of the nearby patrons. He made a frustrated sound then led Crowley to the back room.

"If you must know," the angel finally explained, "I've decided to try some slight changes to my life."

"Oh really?" Crowley quirked an eyebrow. "And what's brought this on?"

"The world nearly ended, my dear! Everything I care about was nearly destroyed in an utterly senseless war and I realized that I hadn't experienced nearly half the joys the Earth has to offer!" Aziraphale drew himself up with dignity. "I think a change of clothes is going to be the least of the changes you'll see around here. For a time at least."