It was sophomore year, I was fifteen years old.
I had known Cristian since I was eleven, since we were in 6th grade, back in middle school.
I remember that back then I used to think he was so cute, and his friends too.
I remember we had class together for the first time in 7th grade. I would do everything possible to annoy him because I wanted his attention.
I was that girl back then, the one that craved attention, the one who abandoned the geeks and freaks to hang out with the popular people because they're soo much cooler.
I was a bitch, I know.
I did make good friends though, friends who I still talk to this day and still hang out with everyday during lunch, but they don't know me that well.
They know the girl that's like, one of the dudes you know? Like I'll joke around about necrophilia and sex and porn and whatever you want to talk about. I'm the girl with the dark humor that only hangs out with boys because girls are so god damn annoying, even though I would love to be friends with them. I mean, I love doing my makeup, I love playing with eyeshadows and really making my eyes pop. I like to look good. But they don't know that, because they only know that I had sex with Cristian and I caught feelings at one point so now I'm just the whore who's dickwhipped for some dude that wants nothing to do with me.
Even though I stopped liking him a while ago.
Freshman year, he was so in his own world that he didn't notice me, I had been friends with him for 3 years now and he still thought he knew nothing about me. I used to talk to him about my depression, and he would help me out, but yet if you ask him about that now, he won't remember. Because to him, before sophomore year, I was just a random face in the past.
Sophomore year came and I remember I was so hurt because the guy I liked didn't like me back, and he had tried to pressure me to have sex with him. Cristian reprimanded me, saying I needed to learn to enjoy high school, and then he asked "have you even done anything bad yet?"
I had, I'd gotten suspended the year before but it was over something stupid, drinking on school grounds. And then he asked "have you even given head" I said no, I hadn't.
"Have you had sex?"
"Have you GOTTEN head?"
"Have you smoked weed?"
I hadn't done any of those. Not yet.
"God, you're so boring." he said.
I remember I felt so belittled so I did what any smart human being would do, I lied. I said I had lied about one of them, which was the actual lie itself.
"What have you done?" He asked.
"I gave head." I said.
I lied.
Smart. Right?
That's when it started. I made up a story of some guy I had met on snap and that I had met up with him just to give him a blowjob, because that's the kind of person I am.
I remember I just wanted him to accept me, to stop thinking of me as "boring".
Til this day, he still doesn't know it was a lie.
He started telling me about what he had done with one of my other friends, Riccy, let's say. Riccy is a tomboy, she plays soccer and basketball. She's the type of girl that hates wearing dresses and skirts and any of that girly shit.
Back then, me and her were close. She had told me that something had happened with Cristian, that it had only been one time and they hadn't gone all the way, and that it wasn't even that good. Cristian told me about Riccy. How, he fingered her and "she couldn't stop moaning". He told me everything, with details. And I asked questions. He told me everything, things that should've been kept only between him and Riccy, it had only been one time and it wasn't like they had gone all the way but he still shouldn't have been telling me. But I asked.
