Puzzled

~*Chapter 1*~

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I admit that I've done many terrible things. 

Things that can't be forgiven.

 I admit that I've hurt many people along the way, and I'm sorry that things ended the way they did.

 I never meant for anyone to get hurt from my acts of selfishness, but you can't help when you fall out of love.

 Or when you fall in love.

 Nor who you fall in love with.

~*~*~*~*~

I admit that I've done many terrible things, but this must be one of the worst.

 Yet, I don't regret it.

 You can't help the way your heart goes.

 Who it's drawn towards. 

Who it chooses.

 Maybe if I was given the chance, I'd choose another path, been more honest with myself and with him from the start, but sadly life doesn't work that way. 

What's done is done. 

~*~*~*~*~

I will hold the guilt and pain, let it drag me down from time to time, but I refuse to believe that I am a bad person because of one mistake.

 Because I allowed my heart to follow where it belonged and stopped holding back.

 I refuse to feel guilty for what I've done because I deserve happiness. 

I deserve to feel loved and to be free at the same time. 

I am my own person and sometimes in order to be your own person you have to make difficult decisions that will hurt the ones you love most.

~*~*~*~*~

I've realized that it isn't bad to do something for yourself once in a while, and not just going with what everyone else wants to keep them all happy.

 You're going to upset people, but you can't go around caring about what everyone else thinks and keeping everyone happy if that means you'll be unhappy.

 Sometimes you have to put yourself first, above others.

 Look after yourself and then focus on repairing what was broken, but remember this:

If you've hurt someone in the process of fixing and looking after yourself, putting your happiness above others when things get so bad that your constantly crying and feeling like shit, and they still can't forgive you for what you did, then maybe they aren't worth having around.

~*~*~*~*~

I admit that what I did was not ok, I own up to that 100%. 

I feel guilty and horrible for hurting the people I love, but as a person that is constantly doing things to keep others happy even though it hurts me, and never doing anything for myself, I believe that what I did was the right choice for me.

 And I'm not sorry for looking after myself for once. Never be sorry for putting yourself first for once.

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~*Chelsea*~