The eyes of depression

What I think is the beginning

6th grade

Depression isnt something you just know. It isnt like a fever, you don't know about it until it's too late.

I knew what depression was and I didn't think I'd have it or get it. Oh I was wrong. Depression takes so much time to grow and I know that now.

In 6th grade everything was fine... I thought. Sure some days weren't great and that carried on for a few days but it's ok.

I felt sad for a few days at a time. It wasnt do bad. It was fine.....

7th Grade

Now its seventh grade and I know something is wrong. Over the summer break I have had suicidal thoughts and planned my death so many times.

It's just a phase, it's fine. Right?

The thought of death was great, the world hates me, I'm a disappointment, so it wouldn't miss me.

By this time it was hard to remember what being happy actually felt like.

8th grade

Again more thoughts of suicide. I learned my uncle Lee committed suicide before I was born. My middle name is after him Aleah. Well that's nice too know.

My dad keeps leaving the state and him and mom are fighting alot.

My dad left. He cheated on mom and walked out the door on new years... does he not care about us?

He barely talked to us or me to say he always called my siblings. He just doesn't care about me anymore.

Would he care if I ran away?

Would he care if I cut?

Would he care if I overdosed?

Would he care if I was injured?

Would he care if I was murdered?

Would he care if I killed myself?

I dont know...