The eyes of depression

cut

Self-harm

One shallow cut one day. A few months later its different.

1 long cut on my side with a very sharp kitchen knife.

4 long shallow cuts on my wrist

5 long shallow cuts on my wrist

3 short 4 long shallow cuts on my wrist

3 long shallow cuts on my wrist

5 long shallow cuts but bleed more the usual on my wrist.

Then the one a few days ago.

I was overwhelmed. I am extremely exhausted. Stop yelling at me. I dont feel good. I depressed. I cant... I cant. Mom please stop. I know I know I'm always tired and cant get out of bed, I know I'm lazy but mom I cant get up.

I wanted you tell her yell at her this but I couldn't.

" you're shit. You cant do anything right. Who are you to be depressed? You took your antidepressants so you are fine stop complaining. Go clean. Actually go fucking kill yourself. Nobody will care. Not even your boyfriend. I mean you're dad hates you and made that clear. You haven't talked to him in almost a month. Hahaha you are so dumb. Not even you father cares about you. You are fat, ugly, everyone is pretending to be nice to you. Only your friends because they pity you."

There was so much more... my mom and siblings left the house and I somehow got the energy to go too the kitchen and get my knife. The smallest, sharpest one. Hell I even sharpen it before using it.

1. for being a disappointment
2. For being depressed
3. I have to be in control
4. Worthless
5. Die
6. I'm sorry
7. Be happy
8. Nobody loves you
9. All lies
10. "Go fuck yourself " last words from my dad
11. A little deeper

11 cuts.

Edit: Wattpad flagged the picture. It wasnt bad but understandable.

Not that bad I know. Look worst in person. That was after I cleaned up so it doesn't look bad at all. Also I'm still in early stages of cutting so I haven't gotten deep yet.

This is my life.
This is all I worth
Absolutely

Utterly

Nothing