Thinking of You [ON HOLD]

Chapter Five

Josh didn't come back that night.

Or the day the next day.

He retuned late the second night briefly to grab another bottle of drink but left as quickly as he had arrived.

I spent the next 2 days alone with only my thoughts for company. I wouldn't say I was upset that I was alone but I wasn't necessarily pleased.

I had been alone for a long time. Around the time of my parents death, Liam had also started to pursue his dream of being a singer.

Of course he had spent as much time as possible with me after the crash, but there was only so long that we had together before he continued on with the rest of the boys on The X Factor. And once the live shows started and rehearsals began, I was alone again.

My own mind was the only company I had for so long that by now I was used to it.

Despite being petrified of Josh, his presence still gives me a somewhat peaceful state of mind.

It sounds ridiculous, probably because it is, but its not necessarily him that relaxes me, it's the fact that I'm not alone in the world.

Even if he is a horrible human being from whom I can't escape, he's still a human who's giving me his attention and showing some form of emotion towards me. Even if it is bad, it's still there.

And I guess that's what makes it ok for me.

It's stupid of me really. I'd rather be with someone who treats me badly than with no one at all.

The phone had rung a couple of times today. Of course I wouldn't answer it. I couldn't. I wasn't allowed.

There were certain rules I had to follow or else. And let's just say it was in my best interest to follow them. No matter how much I disliked it.

For example, I was banned from speaking to friends or family.

Not that I had any of course.

All I really had was Liam and he spent most of his time with the rest of the band. Which was okay. He was my best friend of course I wanted the best for him. However I couldn't help but hate it sometimes.

Liam had called round about noon but I didn't dare try to move. I was in agony and even just breathing in felt as if I was being stabbed repeatedly in the chest, so I thought it would be best just to stay put.

Even if I could move towards the door, Josh had taken both keys with him so that I couldn't leave the apartment.

After a few moments of knocking, Liam called my mobile. It hurt having to ignore my best friend but I had no choice.