Autumn leaves

Chapter 3 - Wanting a 'break'

The following weeks went slow. Very slow. Argument after argument everyday, and I was beyond tired. I didn't know what to do anymore. I just wanted a break, but with Justin it was impossible. He was still on tour and still had less than 1 week left, and I suggested that Jared and I could go home earlier than planned, but for Justin it wasn't even an option. A straight and simpel; no way.

I knew the reason why he didn't want me to go. I knew he was as afraid as me. He knew as well that if this break happened, we would either drift apart or our relationship would be stronger than ever, but the last option would take a lot of hard work. A long sigh came out, and I hided my face in between my hands silently trying not to cry from all this stress. I wanted some relief, someone to talk to, but Pattie had some business to attend so she took a flight few days ago, and I thought about Emily, but best friend since forever, but I didn't want to bore her with my friends when she had just gotten proposed to. She was 25 years old, just the age a typically american would start their family life, but with me? It was different, but just as Justin wanted. He wanted kids before 25 years old, and he got one. Impressive. Jared wasn't planned, but that didn't mean that I wanted him less. He was my life, the reason to why I was breathing and fighting so hard not to leave his father.

I could hear Justins voice in the background. The concert had started. Second left concert before this tour was over. I hadn't been attending every show at the tour. It was only the few lefts in America. I refused to let Jared grow up in a tour bus, and after countless of arguments with Justin, I had won and got what I wanted. Jared and I had stayed at home while Justin was touring. It was hard, yes, but we got through with skype calls everyday. Mostly for Jareds sake.

I sighed and got up to find Jared. He was walking around with Alfredo and admiring his "uncle" as he called him. They had a close bond. Jared was like a nephew to all of Justins crew, which included Scooter at first, then Alfredo, Kenny, Ryan, etc.

I found Jared standing at the back and watching Justin with admiration. A smile spread on my face and I quickly went and got my baby in my arms.

"How's my baby?" I asked him while I kissed him on the cheek. Alfredo didn't protest when I took Jared, and he just gave me a quick smile and walked away. It was awkward between us after the fight everyone heard last week, and many of the crew didn't know how to react. Justin and I never fought publicly. I tried to stay private and save the fights at home because I didn't want people prying in my business. It was none of their business, and I was also afraid of it being on some news the next day. You never know who to trust in the business.

"Mommy, you should've seen daddy! There wasn't any on the stage and 'boom' and there he was with wings! Daddy is so cool. I wanna fly too, mommy? Can I fly? Please?" I almost laughed at my son, but I shook my head instead and gave him another kiss before I nodded. He looked so much up to his father. It was ridicilous, and cute at the same time. No matter what I did, I don't think my bond with Jared would be as his and Justins. Justin is his hero.

"Of course, baby. Just ask dad how, and he will show you later, okay? But for now, c'mon, let us put you in bed, because it's late!" I said and suddenly my smiley son turned to grumpy. Who loved to sleep as a kid? No one. He hated to be told what to do, something he got from his daddy.

"But mommy...." he gave me the puppy eyes, but I simply laughed and started walking towards the bus where we were 'sleeping'. I got him ready for bed, and in no less than 5 minutes he was out. I checked to see if there was anyone who could watch him, and found Yael mingling around.

"Yael?!" I yelled after her because she was a little far from me, and she quickly turned and gave me a smile.

"Hey" she said when she got to me. "Can I ask you a favor? Can you watch Jared for 5 minutes while I go look for my phone? I think I forgot it in Justin's dressing room" I tell her and she laughs and tells me to never ask something like that as a favor and that she would love to watch him. I thank her and run towards Justin's dressing room, and find my phone. I go out of the room with the intention of going back to the bus until I hear which song Justin is playing. It's Rollercoaster, and he is playing it acoustic. Instead of going back to the bus, I decide to go back where I stood awhile ago. For some time, maybe 1 minut, maybe 5, I watch him. I watch him and I notice nothing but him.

"Elena" I quickly drew my attention from Justin to the person talking to find Scooter. He is standing next to me, but I just realized that. I don't know how long he has been here.

"Hey Scooter"

"Elena... The thing that happened between the two of you? Fix it. Look at him Elena. I mean really look at him. He is practically a mess - walking dead. And people are starting to notice" I open my mouth to say something, but I am too stunned for that. I didn't expect Scooter to say that. I didn't expect him to do anything at all. When it comes to Justin and I, Scooter has always tried to not pry in our business, but this time it was hard not to, when Justin and I had a big fight in front of everyone. Or Justin had a fight with me. Scooter leaves before I can say anything, and I turn my attention back to Justin to notice what Scooter said. He was right. Justin did his moves and lyrics right, but he certainly wasn't himself. That man on stage wasn't the guy I normally saw jumping on stage with a huge grin on his face. He was almost like a robot. Right at that moment, he looked up and we held eye contact for several minutes until I decided to look away. When I turned to leave, I looked at him for the last time, only to realize that he was looking at me again. Even thought I couldn't see his eyes through the shades he wore, I felt like he begged me with his eyes to not go, but just stay. But I just turned and left.

Why can't you just forgive me and move on?" He asked. I didn't answer him, because we both knew I would forgive. I always did.
"It happened YEARS ago, Elena! YEARS!" He screamed at me. For the first time since the argument had started, I looked up to him.
"So that's it? Because it's 'years' ago, I'm supposed to forget and move on? How can I? You lied to me. You always do and I'm tired. I'm so tired, Jay" I ended up whispering the last part. I wanted him to understand why I am reacting the way I am. How was I supposed to ignore the fact the he had dated the super gorgeous Selena Gomez until the day we bumped into each other? That he had dumped the poor girl seconds after we talked about a date late? And he never mentioned it. Never. I didn't know about him even dating Selena Gomez before I ran into her at an award show recently. She told me about their sweet times, trying to make me jealous. She indirectly told me that they were each other's first. I almost laughed at that, but I ended up just nodding, pretending like I actually listened to her. Jealousy is an ugly thing. What she didn't know was that Justin and I's first together was back when we first met. We were still kids back then, but giving him my virginity is something I would never regret. I gave my innocence to my husband, and the love of my life. No matter the countless arguments and fights I knew that my love for Justin would never fate. I will always love him.
And then the issues with the other girls started. His old hooks up between our breakups. I couldn't probably count in 2 hands the amount of times Justin and I had broken up or had a 'pause'. And it always ended up with him on the tabloids with new girls, and me referred as the idiot girlfriend sitting at him to the rest of the world.

According to him, this was no problem. Easy to forget and move on.

"I want a break" I said again to him at the end. I was determined. He looked shocked at me, and then he went livid again. He started throwing everything he found in the living room and smashed it into the wall. I wanted to tell him, be quiet, Jared is sleeping upstairs, but instead I left him to his own miserable. I checked up on Jared to see him still sleeping after all the voices downstairs and then I gave my baby boy a kiss and went to my room. I took my pajamas and went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed. When I came back, he was on the bed and looking at the ceeling. Knowing he wouldn't leave the room, and not wanting to start a fight, I went to Jared and slept next to my everything. And that was where I slept for the next week.