Pepper never meant to lose her best friend. Lucas never meant to fall in love.
Yet the aftermath of broken hearts leads them to blur the lines of their friendship forever. When Pepper is dumped by her boyfriend and Lucas is led on by his crush, they...
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GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL doesn't feel nearly as good as I expected. I'm not sure what I truly expected. I'm eighteen and graduated from high school. I have a job at the local theater we're joining the summer camp of. Community college starts in the fall. Amber, Elliot, and I have narrowed down our apartment shopping. Half of the theatre department and soccer team are stuffed inside Elliot's home to celebrate our graduating class, and I've yet to have a panic attack.
Therapy has run quite smoothly. Working on the exercises Dr. Ambrose suggested with Amber and Man-soo has helped me understand so much about myself. I realized quickly that I'm a lot more comfortable being touched by girls than I am by boys. The ounce of hesitation I used to feel wrapping my arms around Amber and Martsia or receiving their endearing kisses has faded. Yet the second Man-soo brushes his fingers across my skin, I'm a nervous wreck. Even when Elliot gets near me, and I know he's not a threat, my chest tightens and I feel like shedding my own skin. That's something I need to conquer before we live together.
Still, Man-soo is able to touch me a little more each day. That's what counts. I can only hope that in time, I won't have to feel this way anymore.
As I watch all of my friends celebrate and drink to our graduating class, a gaping hole is ripped through my chest. Something about it all is so anti-climactic. There's a missing element. Someone is missing. The person I've imagined doing this with for most of my life.
Lucas.
By some ungodly force, I yearn for his presence. Me from a year ago always imagined doing this with him right next to me. Moving on to the next journey of our lives together. My best friend and I taking on the world and conquering new adventures and struggles. I thought maybe I'd have closure by now. Yet there are times when everything hurts as if it happened just yesterday. Then there are times when it feels like it all happened a lifetime ago. Sometimes I get stuck in my head thinking about it all.
How can I miss someone who hurt me so badly? How does that make any logical sense? It's good that he's gone. I don't want him here. Yet there's an undying part of me that feels like he belongs at my side.
They all do.
Amber. Man-soo. Martsia and Lena. We were all friends at one point. Now there's a piece missing.
"Hey, why do you look so gloomy over here?"
I look up from my spot on the wall to see Elliot's towering frame leaning next to me. Unease bubbles up in my stomach and I fold my hands over it. "I don't know. I guess I was expecting to feel a little different about moving on in life?" I shrug. "It's all a bit anti-climatic."
"Ah." He nods as if he knows exactly how I'm feeling. "It just hasn't hit you yet. The change. It'll come in time. You're probably just not ready to accept the next chapter, but we're already in it."
"Maybe." Maybe I just haven't accepted that I've lost Lucas forever.
"Want a drink or something?" He offers me a solo cup full of liquor.
