Lover's passage

Chapter 24

It's been a few minutes already and I'm trying to calm my nerves by downing whatever drink comes my way. I unfortunately have to stop at three so I don't get too drunk. I notice Lana giving me looks as she's talking to her brother and her fiance. I know she's waiting for me to go up and grab the microphone but I still have no idea what to say, but slightly drunk me goes up confidently and grasps the cold mic against my hand. Bringing it up to my mouth I begin to speak, "Hello guys," I give a small wave towards everyone who stopped talking and is now listening to me. I notice Grayson giving me a confused look and I just give him a wink before smirking and continue to speak, "So I'm Quin Brooks, I'm sure you all know my hot husband over there." I point at Grayson through my haze and at the corner of my eye I spot Colton and his wife I notice a look of amusement on her face. "Well I'm not very good at speeches," I look at Lana and then realize she should be the one announcing her own engagement, really her boyfriend should. "So that's why I'm going to have Lana come up here or better yet her boyfriend" In a smaller mumbling voice I whisper that really her boyfriend needs to grow some balls and do it himself. Apparently a few people heard me and gasped but I walk off and hand the mic to Lana. She gives me a frustrated look before grabbing the mic and walking up to where I was standing. 

I don't pay attention to what she says as I walk up to Grayson and bring my mouth up to his ear before whispering "Let's get out of here and go somewhere fun." I grab his hand and lead him away from the party and down the trail again. "Where do you want to go? your hot husband will definitely follow wherever you go." He gives me a wink and I jab him in the ribs "I said I wasn't good at speeches. I am good at drinking lets go to a club and dance all night long." I lift my hands up and wave them but I feel his palms gently grasp my wrist and pull them into his chest he pulls me closer so that we are molded to each other. his hand moves to my face and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I think we should go and watch a movie on the couch at home with popcorn and a fuzzy blanket." He whispers back in a soft voice and I stare into his eyes watching as the colors swirl around in kindness. I pretend to huff in annoyance "Dancing sounds so much better." I wrap my arms around his neck and bring my forehead to his "but a movie sounds better as long as it's not the notebook."  I feel him pull away from me and watch as his face contorts into face astonishment "Who doesn't like the notebook," He brings his hand to his heart "I think you've wounded my soul." 

I playfully shove him before turning back to the pathway "If you beat me to the car you can pick the movie." I give him a devilish grin before turning my back to him and running down the trail.

***

As I sit on the couch with my legs over Graysons lap and my head on a pillow I avert my eyes from the movie and move them to Grayson who's already asleep. Watching his chest rise up and down and his mouth parted makes it as if I'm not suppose to see him so peaceful and calm, as if I'm peering in on something private. His manly features are softened to that of a boys and my blood seems as if its seeping with emotions. Emotions that I could never comprehend until now. I think I'm falling for him maybe even through this marriage I could learn to love again.

***

"Honey that is not how you clean your room." my mom looks at me sternly and I avert my eyes away from my messy room and away from her glare.

"but mom! It is clean, all this stuff I'm going to use later so what's the point in putting it away only to have to take it out again." My eight year old self grumbles at her.

"Clean up your room now." she says in a stern voice, and really by now I should have know what would happen if I spoke back, I should have known that she had a short temper and something wasn't quiet right but still I decided to talk back and that was my own fault.

"I'm not goin-" before I could get another word out I feel the her harsh palm against my face, the force so hard my head turns.

Don't cry. Don't cry but its too late a tear that I can't control slides down my cheek.

I look into my mothers eyes and she begins to scream "Big girls don't cry! You need to listen to me or else" She steps towards me and I could feel her hands go to my throat. I'm forced to look into those empty eyes, the eyes that had lost control. As the oxygen gets sucked from my body I stare into those eyes the ones that I had taken all the kindness out off because of my actions.

"Hey, Hey Quin wake up!" Her hands where on my shoulders shaking me.

"Get off me!" I scramble awake and back away from my mother, but instead of those empty eyes staring at me I see one's that are filled with kindness, the ones that are so familiar and fill me with comfort.

"Grayson?" I look around and realize we are still on the couch.

"You were crying in your sleep, I figured I should wake you."

"Yeah I'm alright." I push the feelings down like I'm used to doing, only I couldn't not this time and that same tear fell down my cheek once again.

I move towards Grayson and sit in his lap while laying my head against his chest, his arms wrap around me and we sit like that for a few minutes, all you could hear in the quiet room was my soft sniffles

"My mom used to abuse me." I whisper through my tears, fiddling with his shirt I continue "I always used to think it was my fault, I should have done better or I should never have talked back to her." with my face on his chest I notice the tears falling down my cheeks and making his shirt damp, yet he didn't care. "I went through 15 years thinking that, but really there was something wrong with her." Graysons hand rubs my back gently and that coaxes me to speak "I came home from school late one day, really late and my mom just went off. She uh.." I try to control my breathing so that I didn't become a total mess "She threw me around like she normally did but this time I had lost my footing and my head bashed into the corner of our kitchen counter. She completely freaked and ran out leaving me behind. I remember feeling my vision going black right before I passed out." I feel graysons chest rumble in grief, "I woke up in a hospital bed because my neighbors where coming home and noticed the door to the house open, they went to close it but found me on the floor unconscious. I got treated and went to therapy for years before I was okay again. I found out my mom had a problem where small things would trigger her and her brain would block off a sections of reasoning which made her react the way she did when she was mad at me. She went to the asylum while I went into foster care. I'm not sure which is worse."

I sit up and look at Grayson who had all his attention on me "The asylum was awful and even if my mom abused me there where still times where she loved me. Once I graduated I got a job and started paying for her to go to the mental health area to get help properly and still be able to live like a human being. She began showing symptoms of Alzheimers and now she only remembers me sometimes."

 I let out a sad laugh "You must think I'm a total sob story now."

"No I think that your brave and that you shed mercy on those who don't deserve it." He grasps my hands and squeezes them gently.

"How often do you get the dreams?"

My eyes fall to my lap and I whisper "Its gone down to only once a month, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want that burden on you."

"It's not a burden. I will always be here for you."

always