fragile. //discontinued//

0.

I was never wanted. By my mother I looked up to as a child, by my father that abandoned me while I was still just a baby, innocent. I had friends yet I kept pushing them away in fear they'll leave me, I kept isolating myself so I wouldn't get broken. As time passed, everyone left me. Everyone but her. Fragile human being that was just as fucked up as I was yet she managed to keep that innocent spark in her eyes. She was a short, little bundle of cuteness with adorable blue eyes and blond hair. Freckles tinted her cute cheeks and nose. She was so short and innocent looking you could easily mistake her for a child despite her being 15 years old. Whenever my sharp, dark eyes met with her soft, bright ones, my body felt light and I felt like nothing in this world would harm me. She made me feel safe.

Even now, after all these years, I can't afford to live a day without thinking about her. It sounds absolutely pathetic.
It is pathetic.

I need her. I need her everyday. I need her when I wake up and can't feel her by my side. I need her when I'm walking down the street she and I used to live in and can't feel her tiny hand in mine. I need her in the evening when I'm watching the TV and am unable to play with her soft hair.

Yet she hasn't been by my side for quite some time and I'm still not used to it.
I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

"It really isn't healthy, you know" She spoke to me using that sweet tone of hers, "it's bad for your health, idiot."
I stepped on a cancer stick that Historia has been complaining about, "Who cares," with a sharp turn and a wave of my hand, I continued "it's not like anyone would care if I died now."
I knew what I was speaking wasn't true. I knew she would care yet my pride wouldn't let me admit that. My stupid pride, "you know that's not true, Ymir. You know I care."

Of course I knew that. Of course I did. I never doubted her for a second. Never.

If only I told her just that. If only I was capable of telling her how much I love her instead of being a grumpy ass most of the time. If only I didn't let her slide far away from me that easily.
"Hey, Ymir, which one?" Her cheery voice filled the room. I was forced to look up from my phone screen. Historia held two dresses in her hands, one black and probably knee length and one grey that reached all the way to her feet. I raised a brow at her choice of colours and took a drag from a lit cigarette in my hand. She visibly cringed as I did so, "Huh, I'd say black one would suit you well, I guess." I shrugged, looking down at my phone again.

If only I paid her more attention. I didn't realize then how much I actually needed her and now that she is so far away from my grasp, only now I realize how lost I am without her. She was that light at the end of the tunnel and now it seems like that light is getting smaller and smaller.