fragile. //discontinued//

3.

"Ymir?" Her tiny voice was barely heard from the kitchen. I was in the bathroom, throwing up everything I had eaten the day before. This is what alcohol does to you, kids. My head was splitting in half and my stomach was sore.
"I'm in the bathroom," I tried screaming back but all that came from my mouth was a quiet and raspy voice I couldn't believe belonged to me, "fuck!"
"Ymir," she called again, this time she sounded a little closer, "Ymir?"
Then once again, I clasped my hand around the toilet, throwing up.

I cringed at the flashback she caused and turned around, walking, no, more like racing out of the cafeteria. I wasn't aware she was attending this school. ShitShitShitShit. I'm not able to cope with this. I raced out of the school gate and leaned on a wall that surrounded it, trying to find my pack of cigarettes in one of my pockets. My hands were shaking and I was struggling, to say at least, to get out one cigarette and a lighter. God-fucking-damnit. I'm so fucked. I moved away so I could get away from an apartment that reminded me of her. I was still in the same street so it wasn't exactly helping. I also started a new school because the old one had too many places that reminded me of her. That one empty classroom that I stole her first kiss in, that one broom closet that we used to hide in after playing a prank on our math teacher. Hell, even the gate reminded me of how we used to walk in together, hand in hand. Even the fucking gate.

I can't face her now, I'm not ready and I know I may not seem like a person to chicken out about this stuff, which I'm usually really not, but I just can't stop myself from panicking when it comes to her. It's been two fucking years. Two years and I'm still thinking about her on daily basis. Shit. 

I smoked a cigarette after cigarette. Lunch period has obviously ended some time ago as I was on my third cigarette. Somewhere in the process of smoking my second cigarette my back slid down the wall and I rested my wrist against my head. Ashes fell into my hair as the cigarette I had been smoking continued to burn but I couldn't care less. My eyes were tightly shut close as to prevent any liquid spilling from my them. I haven't cried in 2 years, not even once and I don't plan on starting now. Fuck. Why did she have to attend just this school? What am I supposed to do now? My whole body started shaking as I tried to suppress the tears that threatened to spill. In the end, it was pointless. A single tear rolled down my cheek followed by another.

I ended up crying. I ended up sobbing loudly, not even caring if anyone heard me.

*This is so short. Goddamnit.*