The first time [Sterek]

Doubts

The graduation day was fantastic ...

Everyone was there ... We would have missed high school ... I would have missed everyone and everything ... I had made my choices and the others had theirs... We would all go away from Beacon Hills, to big colleges city, to carry on our life. As I mulled over the present, they called my name, walking towards the microphone I thought back to when we had written our initials in the library and a tear came down.Thoughtlessly I stumbled and fell. Casting my thoughts and getting up, waving everyone off, I accelerated to the microphone and withdrew my diploma, put on my hat, started reading my speech. I had prepared a text to avoid stuttering and embarrassing moments of silence. I took the sheet and looked at my friends. There was a great silence and I started ... as I was reading I realized that, that speech was completely wrong, that it wasn't representing the situation, what I felt. A speech on the future, on how much high school had given to me, on how much I would have learned in college did not present things well! Suddenly I looked up for a moment and I don't know-how in the crowd, my eyes, met those of Derek Hale. For once, out of a fight, out of a conflict, with no creatures around ... his green eyes, his beautiful green eyes, they looked at me and into me, deep inside. I froze over that look for a few seconds, feeling a thud in my heart, then he looked down with a smile and a little laugh and disappeared into the crowd. My breath had stopped, I lost it at the sight of Derek, I took in the air, as though I had just come out of the water. My head was spinning a little and I had a stomach ache.Everyone was looking at me and I started reading again ... I wanted to say everything, throw it out, but I couldn't, not everyone would understand.How strange, however, that effect, I thought back from the stage. It was as if it had enchanted me, I was stuck, maybe only a thunder could bring me back to reality. The breath stopped, my heartbeat stopped. He had a serious expression, his lips were slightly arched and his pupils lit up for a moment.I looked for Lydia, who seemed to have disappeared until a message arrived.

iMessage, Lydia: "Hey, I'm in the locker room"

This message was very interesting from various points of view, or rather from just one, the winking face could only confirm it.I run to the locker room and with an innocent face turned to Lydia, as a naive guy pretending not to have understood what was on her mind.

Stiles: "Hey"Lydia: "Hey, Stiles, I thought ..." she said, moving closer, letting her hands caressing my chest. "I thought you and I could take back something we interrupted yesterday."

At those words, something woke up down there, where the sun doesn't shine. Taking her by the hips, I held her to me and started kissing her passionately. She left me a moment and made me move my hands, where "it was more appropriate to put them". In this rush of passion and love we moved into the coach's room, she closed the door and sat on the table.How strange! I thought that when the time would, I'd have exploded with joy and passion, but instead, it was as if I didn't feel at ease, as if she hadn't been the right person, as if I were lying to her. The passion was there, that yes, maybe I had stopped loving her, maybe I had idealized her as the girl of my dreams for so much time and maybe I didn't like her anymore, maybe I had never really been in love with her ...All these questions disappeared when, getting up from the table, he approached me, squeezing me against her, she started kissing me passionately, with her tongue. This time I managed the game, I lift her and placed her on the coach's table, I took off her shirt, put her hands undermine. She took it off from me, putting her hands on my back and in a passion of french kiss, she pressed me closer and closer to her ... I did the same. At one point we lied down on the table, throwing everything on the floor and making a great noise. We laughed and immediately returned to what we were doing.Our bodies were flowing over each other, we were tied in a single embrace, almost as if we were one, the warmth of her body, her soft skin, her lips were on mine and I was inside her, we panted and we were wet with sweat. I kissed her everywhere on the neck, leaving small hickeys that made her moan softly.We were both in heaven, so much so that I had to look up for pleasure. These then fell on the mirror of the coach, and there, I had a heart attack, there I crossed those same eyes that had sent me into a shock on the stage, that enchanted me, Derek was there, Derek Hale was there.I stared for a few seconds and then turned, but there there was no one. The door was open. Lydia was staring badly at me. I was having cold sweats and a feeling of terrible inner emptiness. Almost as if that gaze had snatched my soul.Then she came and I pretended to have an orgasm, even though I was sick and I couldn't wait for that "pain" to end.We got up and dressed, I threw away the condom and followed Lydia to the exit, but she stopped me and with little nasty eyes told me: "Wait here, just 5 minutes, not to show that we were together". I was still out of breath by the way.I felt a presence behind me, again, but this time I turned fast, still nothing. There were some scratches on the floor.The phone rang, bringing me back to reality, it was Scott, asking where I was as they were about to throw hats and ran out. When he came out I felt a general relax.While I was running I thought that the feelings I had with Lydia were different from how I used to see them in dreams, or rather how I remembered her in my dreams, I hadn't dreamed of them for years ... maybe it had become something like a catchphrase, a stereotype, like "Stiles likes Lydia", "Stiles loves Lydia", "Is Stiles into someone? Yes, Lydia!" ... the real question that maybe I had to ask myself though was ..."Was I still in love with Lydia?"Or was mine just a feeling I had got used to over the years but that was gone by now?I joined Scott at hat throwing and 1, 2, 3 I threw it up in the sky along with the others. Maybe he was a passing sensation, I wanted to talk to Scott about it but that was a day of celebration, and I didn't want to upset anyone.

*Sorry for bad english, better version will come soon, had just too hype to publish it (Italian version available)*

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