Family Business

not today

The team just stared at the Bats in complete and utter shock.

"You imbeciles! Do you have any idea how much those phones cost?" Jaime cried, turning the garbage disposal off.

The Bats all exchanged looks before shrugging sheepishly. "B will get us new ones. We were due for an upgrade anyways."

Barbara just snickered into her palm, glad her pajamas had a pocket big enough to hide her phone.

Jaime looked at the mangled phones with an expression of pure agony, thinking of his own beat up phone and how he now had a phone in better condition than Red Robin. That lifted his spirits, but only a little.

"Why did you throw your phones in the garbage disposal? Don't you want Batman to find us?" M'gann cocked her head to the side in confusion, watching the color drain from under the domino masks of the Bats.

"Er, we may not be on the best of terms with Batman right now..." Tim rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, his mind flashing back to the bright neon pink Batcave and the look of pure rage on Bruce's face when he found all of his children playing manhunt with paintball guns around very delicate equipment.

"He seemed fine with you three when he assigned our last mission."

"That's B for you, always trying to save face." Dick replied, eyeing his phone warily as if just mentioning his father's name would allow the phone to work and contact the man.

"What did you idiots do to make Batman mad at you?" Conner sighed, rubbing his throbbing temples.

"Ouch, I take offense. What makes you think we did something, huh? And why are we idiots?"

Kaldur snorted. "You were the ones to throw your phones in the garbage disposal, which is just pure idiocy. And he is Batman, of course he didn't do anything wrong."

"Fair enough, you make a valid point." Steph conceded, flipping over the back of the couch and walking over to the counter to snag the bowl of cereal out of Dick's hands, much to his annoyance. "We might've trashed the Batcave during our latest shenanigan making endeavor."

Cassie's eyes went wide with wonder. "So the Batcave is real."

"And you lot trashed it?" Garfield looked awed and slightly nauseous.  The Bats just nodded, somewhat proudly. "How are you still alive?"

"Batman doesn't kill."

"You know what I mean, Cassandra."

Cassandra glared at Garfield, making the green teen shrink back in fear. "You don't get to call me that."

"O-okay."

The team and the Bats fell into a silence as the went about making their breakfasts, the only words spoken were mundane 'excuses me's and 'Bart,you can't hog all the freaking bacon's.

That is until Barbara's phone started to ring.

All heads snapped towards her as she casually pulled it out of her pocket and cursed when she saw who it was. She hit 'deny call' and put the phone back in her pocket, finally addressing her team. "What? I'm not stupid. I'm not going to throw my phone in the garbage disposal."

"Who was it that called?" Dick asked, already knowing the answer.

"Batman." The team exploded into chaos, all screaming in outrage about how she didn't answer and how she should call back. Barbara groaned loud and dramatic before pulling her phone back out and pressing call. "Happy?"

The phone rang while the team and the Bats sat in nervous silence. After two rings, Bruce picked up. Before he could say anything, Barbara was talking. "Hey Batman, I'm with the team at the mountain. Spoiler, Black Bat, Robin, and Red Hood are here too."

"...You guys do realize that I am still apart of the family group chat, right?"

Barbara cursed, covering the mouthpiece of the phone as she glared at the other Bats. "He knows everything we've been saying!" The Bats all cursed as Barbara went back to the phone conversation. "So, uh, you know everything that has been going on, right?"

"Oh, yes. Please put Spoiler on the phone."

Barbara sighed, pinching her nose before handing the phone to Stephanie. Stephanie gulped, taking the phone with shaky hands and putting it on speaker phone before placing it on the counter. "H-hey B, what's happening? Everything cool?"

A bark of laughter escaped the speaker of the phone and everyone flinched. "No, Spoiler, everything is not 'cool'. I finally check my phone this morning to find that my proteges and Red Hood-"

"Thanks for the inclusion, B."

"-I will get to you in a minute, Hood. I wake up to find my proteges are 'stuck' at Mount Justice with my team and you have revealed your identity to them! Not only that, but they know Black Bat's name and that Robin is my biological son?"

"You're leaving out the fact that Conner knows everyone's identity too." Jason helpfully added and everyone in the room would swear on their lives they could hear Batman's aneurysm.

"He what?!" Bruce roared, shocking the team with the amount of anger and desperation in his voice. "Does anyone else know?"

"Mmm pretty sure its just Supes Jr."

Batman let out a long sigh before clearing his throat. "Okay, we can work with that. Conner, I will be in touch shortly. As for you, Red Hood, we need to have a serious chat."

"Oh, I see you found the drug dealers I left for you. You're welcome, by the way."

"You got stabbed after murdering a whole gang and most likely have not received proper medical attention.  How are you doing?"

"I take offense." Tim scoffed. "I patched him up and did a darn good job, thank you very much."

"And I'm fine, not the first time I've been stabbed and won't be the last." Jason grit out.

"Okay. And as for you, Red Robin, why haven't you gotten the team out? I know you know how to override the systems."

The team whirled around to glare at Tim, who shrunk back sheepishly, hiding behind the back of the couch.

"You know how to get us out? Why haven't you done that yet?!" Artemis snarled, looking five minutes away from going on a murderous rampage.

Tim shrugged weakly. "I thought we were having fun."

"No, no we are not."