Chasing Her Fire (Vol 01-03)

Kabanata 09: Carl's Pain

KABANATA IX:
CARL'S PAIN

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

CLAIRE

10PM NA at pagod ang lahat dahil sa tour namin ngayong araw sa Baguio. Sulit na sulit dahil lahat ng mga activities ay nagawa namin kagaya ng pag-bibike sa Burnham Park, strawberry picking, horse back riding at pagdalaw na din sa Laperal Whitehouse. Kagaya ng napag-usapan, magkaka-kuwarto ang mga babae at magkaka-kuwarto ang mga lalaki para maiwasan magka-buntisan 'pag-uwi sa Metro Manila.

While everyone's fast asleep, I decided to go out for a while at umupo sa swing na nakalagay sa likod ng tinutuluyan namin para tumambay dahil hindi ako makatulog sa dami ng iniisip — career, family, future and my love life.

Suot-suot ko ang makapal na jaguar printed coat ko dahil hindi ko ma-measure ang lamig sa labas tapos, gabi pa. Ang maganda lang sa labas ay payapa at walang ibang maririnig kung hindi ang mga crickets. Stars scattered at the night sky shimmered like a night city overview. Sobrang gandang pagmasdan ng mga bitwin at buwan na nag niningning sa alapaap.

Habang nagnginiglay-ngilay, hindi ko mapigilan na hindi maisip ang boyfriend ko na si Carl at ang confession ng aking guy-bestfriend na si loser. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ako makapaniwala na may gusto pala sa akin si loser pero hindi ko alam kung kailan pa at kung papaano.

Malabo naman na love at the first sight kasi honestly, I don't believe in that kind of thing. I mean, ang pagmamahal, nadedevelop na muna 'yan overtime — when two people spend their time with each other, have genuine, meaningful and silly conversations at iba pa na puwede maging dahilan ng development niyo para sa isa't-isa.

As for Carl naman, as planned, I am going to break-up with him before graduating highschool at bukas na bukas ako makikipaghiwalay sa kanya.

Lost in thoughts, naramdaman ko na may tumabi sa akin kaya napabalik ako sa reyalidad. Pagtingin ko sa tabi ko, nakita ko na si loser pala 'yon.

"Hey," he started. "anong ginagawa mo dito?" tapos bigla siyang tumingin sa paligid niya saka ibinalik ang tingin sa'kin. "Nasa'n 'yung boyfriend mo? Hindi mo ata kasama? Nagsawa na din kayo sa isa't-isa?"

I rolled my eyes at his statement. "Can you please stop being bitter? Tulog si Carl, dapat alam mo 'yon since you're sharing the same room, right?"

"Sino may sabing doon ako natulog sa isang kuwarto kasama siya?" sabi niya saka inialis ang tingin sa'kin. "Tingin mo, gugustuhin kong kasama ang karibal ko sa'yo?"

"Alam mo, mag-move on ka nalang. I have a boyfriend so you should back-off,"

"Right. And your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend," sabi niya saka tumingin sa'kin. "Balita ko, makikipaghiwalay ka na sa kanya. Kailan ba?"

"Pake mo ba? Saka kahit naman single ako, hindi pa din naman kita pagbibigyan. I barely even know you!"

"Well, you've known Carl for years and yet, hindi mo pa din siya mahal. It's not about the years, alright?"

"Bakit ba ang kulit mo? Are you trying to snag me away from Carl?"

"Hindi. Bakit ko gagawin 'yon?" sagot niya saka tinignan ako sa mga mata niya. "Unless, papadala ka sa'kin?"

I rolled my eyes at him and stood up. "Leave me alone, loser."

I was about to walk away when I suddenly felt the loser's hand on my wrist and pulled me closer. From my back, I felt him wrapped his strong arms around my waist, giving me a warm hug that I've never felt before. His hug felt like home — he felt like home. Dama ko din ang kabog ng puso niya and our closeness almost took my breathe away.

For a while, we stayed like that in silence. I felt weak at hindi ako makagalaw.

"Let me go, loser!" I said, trying to push him away using my elbow, but he won't let go.

"Can we stay for a while?" he whispered on my ears. Ramdam ko ang init ng kanyang hininga at pinilit ko pa din na itulak siya palayo.

"Let me go, loser!" I repeated but this time, sharply.

"'Yun ba talaga ang gusto mo? Na umalis ako?" he asked.

"O-Of course," I almost choked as I said those words. "Gusto kong lubayan mo na ako. Hindi ako magsasawang sabihin sa'yo na wala kang pag-asa sa'kin."

Suddenly, he stepped away and then he pulled me para maiharap ako sa kanya. Diretso siya na nakatingin sa aking mga mata at dama ko ang pag-init ng aking mukha.

"Sabihin mo 'yan ng nakatingin ng diretso sa mga mata ko," sabi niya. "mean what you say, Claire. Be honest with me. Gusto mo ba talaga akong umalis o hindi?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it. I was at loss for words.

"Speak now, Claire or regret it later," pagpapatuloy ng loser na ito.

Gathering my lost voice, I said, "I know what I want, loser. I want to break up with Carl but I know that I don't want you. "

And that was the truth.

Heck, kakakilala pa lang namin. Why would I want to be with someone who I barely knew, hindi ba?

Suddenly, he pulled me closer and I felt his soft lips pressed against mine. Hindi ko inaasahan na gagawin niya 'yon. I want to push him away, but my body won't cooperate.

Maya-maya, may pamilyar na boses kaming narining na nagpahiwalay sa aming dalawa.

"Babe? What is the meaning of this?"

With that, I pushed this loser away from me and spun my head towards the man who just spoke.

It was Carl.

"Babe..."

I started walking forward towards Carl, but he stepped back.

"I saw and I heard everything," panimula niya. "You're planning on breaking up with me? Why? Did I do something wrong? Ano ba ang kulang, Claire?"

I could see the pain in his eyes at hindi ko kayang makita na nasasaktan siya dahil sa'kin kaya naman iniwas ko ang mga tingin ko at nanahimik.

"Answer me, Claire," sabi niya. "Bakit mo ginagawa sa'kin 'to? Do I deserve this?"

"Isn't it obvious? Narinig mo naman, hindi ba?" the loser was the one who answered. How desperate can he get? Sinasabi niya na ayaw niyang mang-agaw but his actions say otherwise.

I glared at this loser. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I yelled with my fist clutching tightly.

The loser looked at me and said, "Makikipaghiwalay ka lang din naman, huwag na nating patagalin 'to."

Then suddenly, the loser went flying, hitting the nearby trash can.

***

ITUTULOY...