To Catch A Dream

Bailey Part Eighteen

Yesterday night, I couldn't help but think about that guy. His gorgeous face flashes in my mind again and again and his hazel eyes consume the last shreds of decency I have left in me. I've gotten used to the staring eyes, but they make me feel a bit self-conscious. Is it my sweats and my black sports jacket? Are they not in style or girlish enough for him, or something? My hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail, but strands of hair flying away.

School isn't really functioning today, because of the girl who committed suicide. It's cowardice, to take away your own life away, to just stop feeling the pain. All life is a series of ordeals, which you need to get through. And if you kill yourself to stop facing an ordeal? That's beyond lame, and the very thought of it disgusts me. I know I may seem like a bad person to talk like this, this is what I've known for my entire life.

Since classes are canceled today, I try to find a tree to sit under since it's scorching hot. I walk up to an oak tree, but I find him. His hair messy, and his face looks tired and something else that I can't quite put a finger on. I study him. His body is suctioned with muscle, and he is lean. His tight white shirt with a Nike logo stretches across his defined chest, and his Adidas sweats fit just right. He catches me staring, so my cheeks flush, and I turn around, hurrying away. I hear the rustling of the grass, and I pick up the pace, just so he doesn't try to talk to me. I feel a warm hand enclose on my cold, trembling one. For once, I don't try to fight or tug free, instead, I just turn around, facing him, getting lost into those beautiful eyes. I just want a friend. It feels weird in my brain, that thought because it's so foreign. I don't care about the cost, I just want to be alive, and not worry about anything for once.

"Why were you leaving?" He asks as if he wanted me to stay.

"Because you were there, and quite frankly, I'm not in the mood to talk." Boy, are those words wrong. All the lost words of my heart, I want to pour them out, every single last one of them. I'm so tried keeping all of them bottled up.

"Then you don't need to talk. Just sit beside me." He sounds so desperate, and I wonder why.

I let him lead me to under the shade, giving in. I sit down, and lean my head back against the tree and look up at the leaves. The bright colors catch my eyes, which creates this warm fuzzy feeling inside me. Since when do I feel these things? I can sense him staring at me, so I just keep on looking up, not wanting to face him. After a good five minutes or so I blurt out, "Why are you staring at me? Stop staring at me. My neck is hurting just from trying to avoid your gaze." I said feeling annoyed, confused, and warm all at the same time.

"You stand out you know that? It may seem like the opposite... But something about you is kind of otherworldly," he says

"I don't think I deserve to get lied to. I'm not even pretty, let alone beautiful. Sure, people tend to think I have nice features. But I really don't. My face is associated with two people I wish never existed. It disgusts me when I see myself in the mirror because it reminds of them. And the thought that I'm like them, even in the tiniest ways, it disgusts me. So please," I choke out, "Please, never call me beautiful again." I finish with hurt enlaced in my words. Dammit. Too many words slipped out of my mouth. And I can't ever take them back. It's just that he's so easy to talk to. His kind eyes just make me want to spill my soul out to him.

"Yeah, I can't help but agree. You aren't very pretty. Please go somewhere else so I don't have to stare at your disgusting face," he says rolling his eyes.

Sarcasm noted.

"You don't even know me, so you say that," I narrow my eyes at him.

"I can just... well, it's hard to explain, it's like I can feel it. Like when you talk, you're so honest and sincere, and you don't just say yes when I ask you to be my friend just because I'm a popular guy, and part of the football team. Most people have taken me for advantage before and I don't really believe the rumors that people are spreading about you. I'm really not in a position to make friends really easily, and no offense or anything, but it doesn't seem like you are either. I think that this would probably help our friendship. At least while it's still developing. So could you please at least consider it? I mean I'm pretty desperate. I don't have very many friends right now.'' he asks.

I shake my head. He's a lost cause. I don't want to get hurt. I've heard the rumors about him and that suicidal girl. They were very close. Maybe I'm just a person who he's going to hold onto until he feels better, and then he'll just dispose me. Or maybe not. For once in my life, I take the risk of opening my heart to someone. I know the consequences. But this, it's just surviving, and I want to live, so I take the chance.

Will you come to the park tonight?" He asks again.

But this time I respond differently.

"Maybe"

"One last thing. What is your name?"

"Bailey," I pause

"Bailey West," I finish.