I love her, I do (One Direction Fanfic)

Chapter 1

Sorry it's been so long. i'm writting 2 other fanfics so I sorta forgot about this one. I even forgot what i planned to make happen........but i've thought of heaps of ideas that i know hope work! Please Comment and Vote i really want to get some feed back.

So here's Chapter 1. Enjoy!

xxx Jess

Chapter 1

Niall's P.O.V

It has been nearly a week since Tara left. I was missing her so much. We had only spoken once. I looked at the time. 2.30am. It would be nearly 12.30pm in Australia which means she is going into surgery any minute. I was so scared for her. It wasn't just a small surgery it was a very serious one.

***

"NIALLER COME ON GET UP!" i pulled the pillow over my head while Liam continued to yell from downstairs.

I just tried to go back to sleep. I closed my eyes and but suddenly the door of my room slammed open.

"NIALLER! Come on breakfast is ready!" Said Louis as he came in and continuously jumped on my bed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP LOU! I'M NOT HUNGRY!" Lou jumped off the bed. I could tell he was shocked and knew something was not right.

"Did you just say your not hungry?"  he asked, his voice now quite concerned.

"Yes! Now just go away!" i snapped as he left the room. I know i was being rude but i was just not in the mood. I haven't been all week. Something just doesn't feel right and today i just feel even worse. I think i'm just anxious or something. But i don't blame myself, i hadn't had any contact with my girlfriend for a few days now. I just wanted to know she was okay.

I slowly sat up and reached for my phone on my bedside table. I looked at it.

No Messages

No Missed Calls

I was hoping that today i might have got some news. But nothing so far. I just lied back down and continued to drown in my thoughts.

"Niall?" i heard someone say as the door slowly creaked open. I just rolled over knowing it was Liam and he was just going to question me. "Niall what's the matter? I know somethings wrong!"

"I'm just not feeling well Liam" i said.

"Okay well if you need anything i'm just downstairs. Oh and Jay is dropping of the girls today. She's got something on so we're all babysitting. Just thought i let you know." he said then slowly turned around and walked out of the room.

Great! If Lou's sitters we're coming it would be rude not to go downstairs. Daisy and Phoebe will come looking for me anyway. Plus i will never live it down if the boys were stuck babysitting four girls for a whole day. If one day the girls needed babysitting again they would make me do it on my own or something since i wasn't helping out today. Guess i better get up then.

I pushed my thoughts to the back of my mind, got up, got changed and went to refreshen up in my ensuite then went downstairs. When i got downstairs the boys were sitting on the couch watching TV. I decided that i should just put on a act and make it look like i was better or else the questions would come flying at me.

"Morning boys!" i said enthusiastically taking a seat next to Zayn.

They all looked at each other and then back at me. "Feeling better are you?" Lou asked.

"Yeah. Much better!" i smiled. I looked at Liam a knew he wasn't buying my little act. All of a sudden the door bell rang causing Liam to look towards the front door as Louis bolted their. We all stayed seated when all four girls came running in and jumped on the couches.

"Cya Mum. And don't worry they'll be fine!" Lou said walking back into the room.

Phoebe and Daisy were now sitting on either side of Liam, Fizzy next to Harry and Lottie was spread across Zayn and I. Louis went to sit on the other side of Fizzy.

"So how are you girls?" Liam asked.

"We're good" Fizzy said answering for them all.

"Boo Bear what are we going to do today?" Daisy asked walking over to Lou as he pulled her onto his lap.

"I'm not sure." Lou answered

 "What if we go outside and play a bit of football?" Harry suggested.

"YES!" Daisy yelled standing up and jumping up and down on the couch.

Soon everyone was walking to the back door except Lottie, Zayn and I.

"You guys aren't coming?" Harry asked.

"Nah. I'm just going to hang here and watch TV" i said. Harry and i looked at Zayn and Lottie waiting for their answer.

"I've got some English homework to do and Zayn was going to help me." she said "We will come out later"

Harry just nodded and walked outside. Lottie got out her homework and Zayn helped her with it while i watched the hockey on TV. I really loved my sport and i would go and play with the guys outside but i was just not up to it. There was a quick ad in the TV so i got up and made my way to the kitchen.

"You guys want anything?" I said looking at Zayn and Lottie. They looked up from the books and shook their heads. I shrugged and went into the kitchen and placed one of those easy make popcorn packets into the microwave. As i waited for them to cook i started thinking about Tara again.

I thought about negative things that made me slowly start losing my appetite once again, but then something in my brain told me that she would be okay. That's when i started thinking about the positive things. Doctors have done many of these surgeries. She is in good hands. Nothing can go wrong! The beeping of the microwave suddenly removed me from my deep thoughts. I put the popcorn into a bowl and went back towards the lounge.

As i walked through the door frame i saw that the news headlines were on.

"Next on the news. Flood levels rise in Spain, Man accused of killing his wife and How a heart surgery went terribly wrong for a young girl in Australia"

That's when i stopped in my footsteps and stood there shocked as her face appeared on the small screen beside the reporter. The bowl of popcorn slipped out on my hands and smashed on the floor. I knew something wasn't right. I JUST KNEW IT! I HAD LOST MY GIRLFRIEND! I HAD PROMISED HER THAT WE WOULD SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AND THAT SHE WOULD BE OKAY! This was all my fault! I should have gone with her. I should have been there with her!

Tears were now running down from my cheek. I looked up and noticed Zayn and Lottie walking to me. I turned around and ran into the bathroom locking the door behind me before anyone could catch up.

"NIALL! OPEN THE DOOR!" Zayn screamed as he pounded his fists on the door. "Lottie, go call the boys!" Zayn asked.

He continued to yell but i just blocked all the sounds out. I stood up and opened the cupboard reaching for the small box of razors. I started to cry again as I grabbed one of the razors from the box and slowly fell down to the floor.

I sat there staring at the razor which was now inches away from my skin. 

I knew this was my fault. I couldn't deal with it any longer. My life was over. I had broken one of the biggest promises i had made in my life and had lost the girl who meant everything to me.

The razor was now toughing my skin. I slowly slid it across my wrist. Blood now dripping down my skin and onto the floor. I coundn't help it. I removed the razor and placed it back on my skin under the other cut slowly sliding it across my wrist again.

I began to feel light headed. I dropped the razor and started to cry harder.