Devotion

Chapter Four

Arias POV:

"I'm going to give you guys a minute.." Spencer said as she and the girls walked out of the room. That left me and him. I couldn't bear to look at him without bringing on the pain that hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. I wanted to feel numb so badly.

He took a cautious step towards me. "I know you think I was using you the whole time-"

"Don't." I didn't have it in me to hear his excuses. A part of me wanted to forgive him and wrap my arms around him. But that part of me had to disappear, because the other half remembers that less than a week ago he told me the truth about everything he'd done. I can't crawl back, not this easily.

He stared at me. He's smart enough to know I won't consider his excuses, that I'll just dismiss them. He knew me a lot better than I knew him.

"Look at me." He said. I didn't listen. "Aria, just look at me." I hesitated, but looked anyway. Then, I seen something that I didn't see before. I seen desperation, in the eyes of Ezra Fitz. He looked hungrier for my forgiveness than he has ever looked for anything. I didn't realize it walking in, but I realized it now. For some reason I felt guilt curdle inside my stomach. This isn't my fault, I tell myself.

"So this is my fault? It's my fault you mesmerized me from the split moment we met? It's my fault you went head over heels about Alison DiLaurentis and decided that your book was more important than fate? But you know something Ezra, looking back at it now, it wasn't fate. You could have walked out of that bar just as easily as you walked in. You just decided to get ahead of yourself and seduce me. And you want me to pity you for that? You can't tell me that you expected me to forgive and forget, when all you've done is give me reasons to pack a bag and spree to another country. And you know what, if you're so content on getting your story finished, why don't you go and talk to Alison. She'll be alive and maybe even willing to hear you systematic thoughts." I was ready to walk out right there and then, but the second I turned to leave he reached for my hand.

I remembered what it felt like to hold his hand. When we were young and trying to figure the teacher-student romance out, when we danced, and even when I let him go for Malcolm's sake. I turned around, and he looked me straight in the eyes.

"God dammit, Aria Montgomery. You and your flaming self respect win me over every time." He let go of my hand. "I know you won't listen to my excuses, so I won't give you a reason to. And I know that right now you want nothing more than for me to disappear." A tear fell from my cheek, I wiped it quickly. "So that's what I'll do. Tonight. I'm going to pack everything and 'spree to another country.'" He said, making a reference to my words. "I won't write, I'll try not to cry, and I won't call you. But, you can't stop me from thinking about you. Not a day will go by, Aria. Not one. I won't move on. You'll still be in my heart, even though you may be in someone else's. I love you. Always have, always will." He wiped a fresh fallen tear from his face. "Just know that." He stepped closer, and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, I couldn't bear to see him leave.

And when I opened them, he was gone.