Every Time It Rains

Scared

"I do, I mean every word of it. Because If none of that had happened, I wouldn't be facing losing the one person who was making a difference, who was bringing happiness into my life. I wouldn't be losing another person I love."

•°•♡•°•

Jimin had left, promising he would tell Taehyung everything I couldn't. I was terrified. I was so afraid Taehyung was going to come pounding on my door, angry, sorry he'd ever met me. 

I was also terrified that he wouldn't come at all. 

I didn't know which terrified me more.

I didn't sleep well last night, after Jimin had left. I was so worried about what Taehyung's reaction would be, and I just couldn't relax. I knew Jimin would call or text me, and let me know once he'd told him. I wasn't really convinced that having a warning was a good thing. Knowing that he knew would probably just make me even more tense, and paranoid.

I had today off, so it wasn't a big deal that I hardly slept. I was sure I would doze during the day. I fixed something to eat, and sat on my couch, reading a story on my phone. After a couple hours, my eyes were getting heavy, and I leaned my head back, closing them for what was only supposed to be a few minutes. 

I was jarred awake by my phone ringing. I picked it up from beside me, and looked at the name on the screen. It was Jimin. 

I answered it, nervous to hear what he had to say.

"Hello?"

"Hi Soo Ah. How are you feeling?"

I sighed. "I'm okay. Nervous..."

"I understand. I wish I could tell you that everything will work out with Tae, but honestly, I don't know what he's going to do."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. My heart ached, and it had nothing to do with my illness.

"So you told him. Was he angry?"

"At first, yes. He swore that if you were pregnant, the baby wasn't his. He said that if it was his, you should have told him, instead of pretending to leave."

I shook my head. "Easy for him to say."

"Soo Ah, he lost it when I told him that you're dying. Don't think that he doesn't care about you, because he does, so damn much. I think he just has a fear of showing it, because he thinks he's going to lose everyone he allows himself to love."

I squeezed my eyes closed tightly, hating myself so much. Why did I ever let myself get involved with him. Especially after hearing what happened to his family. I should have walked away and ended it right then. 

"He may be on his way to see you right now. I honestly don't know. I just finished talking to him a few minutes before I called you. He was pretty devastated, but he gave no indication of his intentions. I just wanted you to know, in case he shows up later."

My heart felt like it was taking up all the space in my chest. I glanced at my door, making sure it was locked. I was so scared, having no idea what to expect. I wouldn't blame him if he hated me. He had every right to.

"Thank you Jimin. I appreciate you so much."

"Let me know if you need me Soo Ah. And don't be afraid, Taehyung might be a bit angry, but he would never take it out on you. I can promise you that."

"Thank you," I whispered, "that makes me feel a little better. It's hard not to be scared."

"I know. Taehyung can seem pretty intimidating when he wants to. But trust me, he's nothing like the guy he shows everyone. I wish you could have known him before he lost his family. You probably wouldn't believe it was the same guy."