Today I went to text you and I seen your name was gray. You un added me. I sat there looking up at my ceiling wondering why. We were only just fucking and I was using you to get over my ex, but I was thinking about you. I was starting to think about you.
I don't understand why people do what they do. Why do they use me? How many times have you been used and wondered why? What did you do to the person? Did you hurt them? If you have then don't count them. Count the ones you did nothing too. All you did was either love them or show them you could. Are they scared? Is that what it is or do they truly not care ?
How does one reach that? How do they reach the level of not caring at all. You want to get there so bad because then you won't feel this banging in your chest. I can't tell if its from all the un healthy junk ive been eating or is it actually pain my chest...in my heart?My body is draining itself of any kindness I thought was left as soon i see that you have left too.
That makes five in a row. Congratulations!! You are number five for abandoning me. I'm an un wanted present that has finally un wrapped itself onto to the floor. Naked and left alone because I am not wanted, which is understandable. Why would anyone want me? I mean I'm ugly, skinny, bony, low-self esteem, weird, rude, and act like a child. My goals aren't actual goals that can be accomplished.
The worst part about all of this is not having anyone to talk about it with? Can we truly talk to anyone? Does anyone truly care? As peep says, "take me away from here...everybody so fake everybody so fake i swear, but i dont wanna go back there..etc..I run away from my problems."
I cry so much nowadays; I don't know what I'm crying for? Who am i crying for? Am i crying for myself. I'm all alone. That's why my heart pounds so much. It aches for something to love or to love myself, but I can't. I haven't reached that yet. Can I ever? How do you learn to truly love yourself. What is loving yourself? Is it accepting that your ugly inside and out and just learning to deal with it and be happy? If so is that true happiness? Or is loving yourself knowing your not those things, but what if you are. What if you truly are, what can you do? What do you do?
Exactly. Nothing, you can only lie down and let your heart pound away with a headache.
Love,
Alena(I'm okay)
YOU ARE READING
All The Pain Endured
PoetryThis is a series of events of pain. All the different kinds of pains that have to be stored inside of one girl. One girl who feels alone and can only describe her feelings through words written. For each event that happens to her is a different cou...
