3 A.M. || S. STAN

36. | Real Life |

Beverly and Sebastian arrived back to his trailer after a long day spent with Beverly's best friend Tristan.
They had so much fun.
She was so happy, that she could spend the whole day with the most important men of her life.

After they kicked their shoes from their feet, she walked over to the small couch at the other end of the trailer, which the dining table was attached to.

"You tired?" Sebastian chuckled as he walked over to the same table after her.
She grimaced, "you bet."
He sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her.
"Let's switch places, shall we?" Sebastian asked.

They switched places. Sebastian was now leaning against the wall of the trailer, still sitting on the couch. He had his arms around her as she sat on his lap, leaning back against his chest.

"Can I ask you something?" Sebastian asked as he moved her hair aside and placed a gentle kiss on her neck.
She hummed approvingly for a response.
"Can you tell me about your past? Or anything about yourself."

"What do you want exactly to know?" She asked.
"Don't care." He replied as he pulled her as close as possible.
She was happy to share things about herself. She knew she could trust Sebastian, so she wasn't scared to tell the worst and hardest parts of her life.

"I was depressed when I was a teenager. It continued for a long time actually – for many years. It was probably the hardest time of my life. I didn't have that much friends at the time and my career was just about to begin. I had several panic attacks a week and I sucked at school. My boyfriend cheated on me, not once but three times. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Why didn't anyone want me. Why I was such a disappointment to my parents. I felt like I was nothing, like I didn't have a purpose in this world. Then the suicidal thoughts first came into my head. It was so difficult to fight them.
Eventually I went to see a therapist when Tristan actually saw my weird behavior and I opened up to him.
The therapist and Tristan helped me through my depression. Of course it's not completely gone ever, but I'm a lot better now a days." She told him, adding a small smile at the end.

"I'm so so sorry you had to go through that." Sebastian said, sounding a little sad. "You know, I did have depression too as a teenager, when we moved to America. People made fun of me at school because of my accent. I even wanted to change my name, so I would fit in better." He told her.

"I'm sorry..." Beverly said.
"Don't be, it's not your fault." Sebastian kissed her cheek.
"I'm curious, which name would've you picked?" She asked out of curiosity.

"You won't believe it." Sebastian chuckled.
"C'mon, tell me!" She pleaded, she desperately needed a new nickname she could call him, so he would get annoyed.
"Okay, fine. Christopher."

"Wait, you gotta be kidding me." She bursted into laughter, which he joined.
"Oh gosh, I'm happy you didn't change your name." She said with a grin on her red face, because of all the hysterical laughing.

"It's not that bad. It was just a popular name around here." He said, shaking his head a little.
"Yeah, too common. How many Chrises do I know? Evans, Hemsworth, Pine, Pratt, Wood, Brown, Noth. I don't need Chris Stan."

"Yeah, honestly I'm also happy I didn't change my name. But that's what might have happened because of bullying and too judgemental people."
He told her.
"And we made it alive. Everyone don't." Added Sebastian

"It's sad." Beverly admitted, sounding like she wasn't present, but going through thoughts in her head.
After a moment of silence, she suddenly asked, "do you think it's selfish to kill yourself?"

"Why are you asking me that?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows. She got off his lap, so they could sit straight again and look at each other's faces.
"I don't know, I just want to know your opinion."

"All right. I'm not sure what my opinion is. It's a hard question." He said. He clenched his jaw and frowned as he was in his thoughts. Beverly found it adorable, but didn't say anything. "I mean, it's somewhat selfish. Especially if there's many people who cares about you, you know, and they'd be devastated if you just died out of nowhere. Um, especially if you haven't told them that you even had depression."

"I agree." She mumbled, in her thoughts again.
"Are you sure you don't have any ulterior motives?" Sebastian asked, concerned tone in his voice.
"Yeah, no. No ulterior motives."

Sebastian doubted her response for a while, but decided to let it go for now. Beverly didn't seem like she was going to talk about it anymore.
However, he had to say something, "if you ever feel down or depressed, you can talk to me. You know that right?" Beverly nodded and gave him a wide smile. "I do."