pretty please (with sugar on top) - larry stylinson

47

"Did you notice any symptoms leading up to your heat?"

Harry shifted on the examination table, the paper covering it crinkling under his movements. He hated going to the doctor. It always made him nervous, and the questions were too personal, and he didn't want to discuss any of this at all, let alone with a stranger.

"It's really important that you answer this, Harry."

They were on a first-name basis, apparently. Harry was wearing a crinkly paper gown just as uncomfortable as the paper he was sitting on, completely naked underneath it. He felt so exposed and vulnerable. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at the wall instead of the doctor sitting on a rolling stool in front of him, white lab coat pristine under the harsh examination lights.

It would've been easier with a mate to sit beside him, to hold his hand and comfort him with their presence. He was envious of those who didn't have to attend appointments like these alone. But then it would be so different. If he wasn't alone, none of this would've happened.

"I'm not sure, I can't remember. Like I said, I was with this alpha all week, so I can't differentiate which reactions were from my heat and which were just because I was close to him. I mean, I've been on suppressants for years. I didn't expect this to happen, so I wasn't paying attention to any symptoms."

"You have to try your best to remember. How about sweating, hot flashes, nausea, tiredness, dehydration, lack of appetite, incoherency? Hypersensitive sense of smell? Increased sex drive?"

"I thought I was coming down with a cold," Harry recalled, staring down at his hands. He felt stupid for not recognizing the signs, but how was he supposed to know his suppressants were failing? Sure, previous doctors had mentioned the possibility before, but it was so rare. It didn't make any sense. "I felt like shit. Correct me if I'm wrong, but those aren't normal preheat symptoms. Louis was worried, too. He could sense something was wrong."

"Louis is the alpha you were with?"

Harry nodded, dragging his nails over his knees. Saying his name out loud sent pangs of longing through his heart. He missed him.

"But you didn't notice a change in your scent, and neither did he."

"Right. Not until I was actually in heat, and then it was too late."

"Tell me about Louis. How long have you known each other?"

Harry had no idea what this had to do with his suppressants failing, or at least he preferred not to think about why Louis was important to this situation, but he humored the doctor anyway because he didn't have a choice, unless he wanted to walk out of here without any answers. "We only knew each other for a week, by that point. We have a mutual friend who set us up. We were strangers, but it hardly took any time to get to know each other. Usually I'm more cautious around alphas, but with him it was different."

"How so?"

It was cheesy but Harry said it anyway, he couldn't help it, couldn't stop now that he had started. "It felt like we'd met before. Like we already knew each other, like we were already close friends. I'm usually great at separating feelings from work, but with Louis I just couldn't do it. I felt so happy and comfortable with him."

The doctor nodded in understanding, having Harry lay back on the table for a physical examination. As he gently prodded at Harry's stomach looking for god knows what, he said, "Am I right to assume you're familiar with the concept of soulmates? Scientifically proven ones, where their pheromones compliment each other's, I mean."

Harry nodded slowly, staying quiet.

"You probably know, then, that there's not a lot of research on them, but it's widely accepted that they exist. They're rare, but they exist. Do you believe in soulmates?"

"I mean, you just said it's true that they've been scientifically proven..."

Of course he believed in soulmates. All his life he wanted and hoped and pushed it all to the side, knowing the odds weren't on his side.

"You probably know someone, then. A couple you've met in real life. Relatives, maybe, or a distant acquaintance?"

"Yeah."

"So you'll know from talking to them, that their experiences are quite similar to yours."

"What do you mean?"

"You've mentioned your scent matching perfectly with this alpha's, like nothing you've ever experienced before. You've talked about how comfortable you felt with him as soon as you met, as if you were old friends. He triggered your heat, while you were on suppressants, just by touching you."

Harry stared at the ceiling. He already knew none of that was normal, but coming to terms with it was a different story. Trying the words out loud made his head spin as he said in a dull voice, more to himself than anything, "You're saying he and I are soulmates."

"We can do the tests to confirm the cause of your situation. All it takes is a bit of blood work. The failure of the suppressants you were on is incredibly rare. I know you're aware of that."

"So what do I do?"

"After a suppressant failure, it's advised that you go off them completely for four to six months. Since you just went through a heat, you'll probably only have one more before you start taking the pill again. You'll have time to plan accordingly. You need to give your body time to reset and readjust, to do what nature intends. Most of my patients who stop their suppressants for a few months report feeling more energized and even happier. So many strong medications can take a toll on your body, and it's good to give it a rest for a little while. I understand that going off suppressants may not be possible given certain circumstances, and we can work together to come up with a different plan, but I strongly suggest, if at all possible, you take a break for at least four months."

Countless questions circled Harry's mind. Countless uncertainties. He didn't want to have another heat at all. He didn't want to spend it alone. "What about birth control?"

"You can choose to go off it, or we can switch you over to a different form of contraceptive. For health reasons, I can't keep you on the same one, though."

"That's fine. I'd like something new. I can't go off it."

The doctor nodded, jotting down more notes in his messy scrawl.

"Have you been sexually active since your last heat?"

Harry blushed, but felt too self-conscious to even cover his face for fear of drawing attention to his embarrassment. Under normal circumstances, this question wouldn't phase him. "I tried," he admitted, "with a different alpha. But it didn't work out. I was feeling so anxious and unsettled, and I left before we did anything."

"That's to be expected. If you really felt a connection with the alpha who triggered your heat, your inner omega will tend to resist sexual interactions with others. Don't worry, it's a totally normal reaction for soulmates."

"Right," Harry said, and stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of it all.

"There are support groups for separated soulmates. You don't have to go through this alone."

Harry stared at his hands. His nail polish was chipping, which felt reflective of his current emotional state. He repainted them using the same color Louis used on him back in Florida. Just the sight of the sparkly red bottle saddened him. A mess, that was what he was. A mess.

"There's a possibility I could be pregnant," Harry said. "Right?"

"We'll know as soon as your bloodwork comes back. There are resources for you, Harry. You're not alone."

Harry pressed his lips together and accepted the slip of paper, covered in dates and locations, in his shaking hand. He folded it in half, and then in half again, until it was small enough to slip into the pocket of his jeans which were bunched up on the chair beside him. He picked at his nails and ran his thumb over his bottom lip. He didn't think about the countless alphas he'd slept with recently. He didn't think of the possibility of a tiny, unknown life growing inside him. The doctor left the room to print information sheets about his diagnosis and treatment plan. Harry was left alone in the cold room with goosebumps covering his skin.