A Single Daffodil [Harry Styles]

My Dear Girl.

"Okay, seriously? Taco Bell is legit ahead of the curve with this masterpiece." Jayden draped his body across the sofa in my living room as he cradled the cold slushy closely to his chest. "These, my friend, are God's gift."

I was sprawled out on the adjacent couch, raising my own slushy above my head. "And then the Lord said, 'Let there be Dr. Pepper Vanilla Float Freeze!'"

"Cue Lion King music!" Jayden started to do an appalling rendition of the Circle of Life song, earning a laugh from me.

"Spare me the crooning, Jayden. Please." I begged, shaking my head.

It was around 3:30 pm on a Sunday afternoon when Jayden decided to stop by with a couple of treats from Taco Bell. He couldn't stay long, on account of having prior engagements at the race track. After being home for nearly two weeks, Jayden was already back on track with his usual agenda. He spent every morning at the gym with a trainer and then in the late afternoons, he was practicing his jumps and flips and 360's on his dirt bike. Sophia too was back to her usual Miami ways. Pilate classes, babysitting one of her many siblings and/or cousins, attending church on Sundays, returning to the social scene on Saturday nights, et cetera. Everyone and everything was back to normal in Miami, Florida.

Except me, of course.

Waking up every morning was a struggle. Keeping myself distracted from lingering thoughts about Harry was a task in itself, but I was also still trying to adjust to living in South Beach without having Grandpa Gene nearby. I brought Robin over to his house five times in the past two weeks and all five times were very bittersweet for me. I would play his favorite Frank Sinatra records, make coffee on his accent coffeemaker, and relish in the beauty of his sunroom. From the easel holding the incomplete painting to the pillows leaning up against the sofa, everything remained untouched. There was always something so remarkable about Grandpa Gene's sunroom, especially in the mornings. When the prime sun rays luster through the ceiling windows and shines across all the paintings sitting in the room, I swear something magical happens. The paintings come to life, all rich and vibrant, and the sound of Frank Sinatra's voice bounces off the walls and echoes into the sunroom, all lovingly and sweet. If I sat still long enough, I could almost sense Grandpa Gene's presence in the air and hear his voice, humming along, ever so softly, to his favorite song.

When I sat on the floor of the sunroom, gingerly flipping through each canvas he ever painted, I felt myself smiling. Because while I missed having Grandpa Gene around like crazy, he wasn't entirely gone. He was watching over me with Grandma, and what he left behind for me was such a gift, I couldn't believe how spoiled I was. His artwork was everything that his soul encompassed. And they were still here, with me.

I felt refreshed every time I left Grandpa Gene's house because I no longer felt like his passing was so tragic. And while I missed him every second of every day that passed, it didn't hold me down as much as it did before. He was still here with me, just in another form.

But the struggle to find happiness was still too ambitious for me. There was a gaping hole in my chest that ached every morning, afternoon, evening and night. How do I even describe heartbreak? How I feel about what happened between me and Harry? There were no words in the English language to describe what I was feeling. It just felt like there was nothing left of me, that I'd somehow given away all of me. And there was just this imminent feeling of absolute despair and numbness like I will never feel fixed again. I was off-kilter. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about what I said to Harry on the beach. It played over and over and over again in my mind. I don't think I'll ever escape the moment I told him I loved him.

Isn't it peculiar that all of these feelings can be devised by one person in your life?

"Hey Jayden, can I ask you something?" I sat up on the couch, placing the empty slushy cup on the coffee table.

"What's up, Vita Zurita?"

"Was I wrong in telling Harry about how I felt about him?"

Jayden sat up then, scrunching his brows into a low V as he gave me a confused look. "Now, what kinda talk is that? Of course, you weren't wrong."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He confirmed, nodding his head. "Harry's the one who made the mistake, not you. He let you go."

I started picking my nails, my heart rate picking up extra beats. This always happened when I heard his name. "I just feel like...maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew he had a girlfriend and I still made that home-wrecker move, even after Harry told me he just wanted to be friends."

"Okay, here's something you need to know: you and Harry would have never worked out as friends. Why? Because the intensity between you two was like, stupidly strong. There's no middle ground." Jayden said. "Like, I don't know how to explain it. There was always this lingering passion. It was this certain type of energy that was much too severe to make the relationship between you and Harry 'just friends'. Everyone saw it."

I sat quietly, considering Jayden's words. If there was so much passion between me and Harry, why didn't he stop me from leaving France? Why didn't he love me back?

"Listen, Harry's a fucking idiot, okay?" Jayden said again. "I met that Zoe chick and she is so boring. Her face looks like my left ass-cheek and her voice was whiney and there was nothing intellectually stimulating about the five-minute conversation I had with her at Liam's party that one time. And you want to know the worst part?"

"What was the worst part?" I asked, still laughing at the ass-cheek comment.

"When I asked her what house she would like to be sorted in at Hogwarts, she picked Hufflepuff." Jayden gave me a look of disgust. "Hufflepuff, Vita. I mean...if that doesn't say a lot about a person, I don't know what does."

"What a brute! Anyone with a brain would pick Gryffindor."

"Gryffindor," Jayden said it the same time as I did. "Exactly!"

I grinned. I was so thankful to have a best friend like Jayden. Even through my darkest moments, he knew how to put a smile on my face.

"Hey, for real though," Jayden said again, this time in a more serious tone. "Harry messed up. And I know it sounds like baloney now, but you're going to find someone new. Someone better."

"I hope so." I gave him a small smile, even though I knew it wasn't true. What I had with Harry was something that only happened once in a lifetime.