blackholes | ✓

ONE. FOOLISH

THERE WERE A LOT OF instances where it hurt whenever our hands meet, our fingers interlaced with each other, and her delicate fingers tugged at the strings of my heart, slowly, without any kind of delicacy, not an ample amount of it, because she always made absolutely sure that I would be able to feel everything in a heightened manner.

I did not mind it, not at all, I loved it, always did, always will. Goodness, she was so unaware of it, of how she made me feel, of how I feel like I couldn't ever get enough of this, of her, of everything that was full of uncertainty. Something that wasn't anything absolute.

She held onto my hands when she didn't really have to, that was just Jennie for you. She nestled herself within the cages of my heart and I didn't mind, not one bit, because I was in love with her, am in love, will continue to love.

She looked at me with those feline eyes, eyes glazed, and I wondered if she really truly saw me, if she mirrored the way I was looking at her. The edges of her mouth etched into a smile, I was always so entranced whenever that happened, caught, mesmerized by her.

"How many songs do you think will play until we get there?" She tilted her head to the side and I reached for the stray strand of her hair that kept getting on her face.

I didn't even understand what she was talking about, I just made a face and raised my brows towards her. "Until we get to where?" We weren't even planning on going anywhere.

We were sitting in her dorm room, her roommate was playing a 1975 song on the electric guitar in the next room.

"Anywhere." She was ever so vague.

She inched closer to me, she nestled her face against the crook of my neck.

"Lisa, will you go anywhere with me?" She asked.

Yes, yes, I will. I will go wherever you ask me to go.

I didn't say that though, instead I hummed, "Hmm," Because what the hell was I supposed to say, I could not manage to set an expectation I would never ever be able to fulfill.

She cupped my cheeks and we kissed. Her hold against my cheeks were firm. I love it. Her tongue seeked mine, and I gave in, she bit my lower lip and I finally gave her the aggressiveness she seemed to be wanting. It wasn't enough though. She kissed me some more, searched for something.

"I need to hear it," She mumbled into my mouth.

I grabbed her butt and dug my fingers against the supple flesh. I hummed once again, she continued to search for it from my mouth, my tongue, she climbed on top of me and straddled me, she ground her hips against mine and I moaned.

"Baby, will you?" She was breathing heavily, looking down at me expectantly, her eyes glistened.

I feel fucked up.

"Yes, always." Because that was what it always had been. She asked of something, I comply, no matter how hard I tried in resisting her.

She pursed her lips into a pout and I smiled at her, I put my hand behind her neck and pulled her down closer to me, I captured her lips with my teeth and she moaned.

"Stop pouting, babe." I giggled and she nodded, despite that the pout remained where it was.

Goodness gracious. I kissed her square on the lips again and again until the pout went away and was exchanged with a smile.

She sighed wistfully and ran a hand through my hair. Soon she found my hand and held it, there was that dull pain again.

She brought my hand closer to her lips and kissed my knuckles. The pain worsened, it hurt, it really did. "Lisa,"

"Yeah?"

Our eyes meet and she kissed me once again.

She kissed me like she wanted me to be wholly trulys hers.

She did not know that I already was, and that was quite ironic.

"I want you," She held my neck now, fingers against my throat, so soft, ginger yet it felt heavy of bad intentions. "I always do."

And that surprised me. Her admission. Truths were always hidden in the back of our throats, ones we could not utter, despite that they were in little actions we showed to each other. Not this, this was a first in a long time.

I looked into her eyes, gazed into it, because I really found it difficult to believe.

She squeezed her hold around my neck and perhaps she did, she always did want me, she didn't want me to leave.

I didn't want to leave.

Besides I don't have it in me. No matter how many times I wanted to, I stayed, because I was nothing but a jester in love with her Queen.

I cupped her cheeks and brushed the strands that had gotten on her face, I pecked her lips and smiled against it. "You do?" I needed that reassurance, I wanted to know, I wanted to erase the doubt within me.

"No," She gasped, "Actually, Lis," She kissed me again, her tongue slithering in my mouth, I welcomed it with my own.

"Actually what, Jen?" I asked her.

"I don't want you."

It wasn't surprising to hear.

"I need you,"

That was surprising to hear.

"I L word you," She giggled.

I didn't want to get my hopes up, "Lust?"

"No—" And she kissed me, held my jaw, and goodness I couldn't breathe.

There. I've known of what she meant and that was absolutely fucking terrifying. I wasn't used to it. It felt too good to be true.

My back hit against the mattress, my top against the floor, her love making me whole.

It flew past me how this woman on top of me had made me feel like life was a fucking choke hold whenever she was not around or whenever she was, and it seemed like nothing was going to be enough.

"Lalisa Manoban," She whispered against my lips, she cupped my breast, squeezed it, "I..." She sucked on my earlobe, "Love..." It was really difficult to breathe. An impossible thing when it was supposed to be involuntary. I braced myself, waited for the last word, the confirmation, the one that was going to cease my doubts from existing.

Her hand traversed downwards and she slipped her hand into my cotton shorts, she traced her fingers along my heat, feeling the dampness she caused.

"You..."

"W-what was that again?" I forgot of the trail she was going for, her fingers were really distracting.

She giggled and kissed me on the chin, "I love you," and then she pushed my panties aside and plunged her fingers inside me.

"More" My voice was croaky.

"I love you," She added another finger and spread me widely. She gave me a shit eating grin and I was gone for.

I love you too, but it died down in my mouth as she began to thrust her fingers into me without any kind of mercy. It was exchanged with moans and breathy pleads.

It wasn't always like that, or at least it gradually started like that somehow.