blackholes | ✓

THREE. ASLEEP

WHEN SHE IS asleep, she is the most peaceful; even if her demons are hovering and lingering about. Jennie has the tendency to be incredibly restless, and I am more than happy to have her — for the least — calmed down in the solace of my arms.

Wrapped around her, while her face is buried against my chest; her naked body radiating warmth which thaws the ice that surrounded my heart, I could not think of anything more perfect than this.

I could not think of anyone more perfect than her.

Questions circle around my mind as I laid there with her, such as — could I love greater than this?

Is this love alone?

Will it hurt if she leaves?

It definitely hurt already whenever she is not around and I miss her.

There is a sense of finality to this, it really is going to hurt a fucking lot, when this will end.

No matter how I want this not to end, no matter how I want this to continue, the end is inevitable. The two of us are meant to burn out quickly like a match.

For now what I can do is enjoy every moment with her that was given to me. This is a privilege not anyone can have.

I shifted in the bed and she looked up at me in the eyes.

She woke up and I have not noticed.

"Morning, J." She puckered her lips and I leaned down and kissed her.

"Morning, L" She whispered against my lips. "I need to go soon," And with that I tightened my hold around her waist, kept her locked there with me.

I don't want her to go yet, not now, just a little more time, a couple more minutes. Any extension will be greatly appreciated, but who am I kidding?

She kissed my lips, and readied herself. I tightened my grip on her and sat up, made her straddle my lap. She knew already what this meant.

I shook my head and kissed her some more, then my lips moves to her jawline, closer to her ear; "You are not going anywhere..."

"Hmm" She hummed in approval. I dug my fingers against her flesh and she began to gyrate her hips against mine.

"Stay, baby J" I grunted, she moaned.

-

Nonetheless she left.

She is going to come back, but I don't know when. I always wait for her, I don't mind this.

Waiting used to be such an ordeal that I am rather impatient with, until I realized what it meant when you wait...

There is this anticipation which builds up in my chest, intensifying the longing, making my fucking skin buzz for her, and when she is finally around I get calm. Waiting means, you are looking forward for someone on the end of the day, a reason to go on, a reason to keep yourself preoccupied so you won't drive yourself fucking insane. Waiting means you have a reason why you're there.

God, everything pushed aside, all I look forward to is to have her asleep in my arms, peaceful, beautiful yet so unaware of it.