A Small Book, a Pencil, and Some of My Thoughts

Finally the Medschool part

Dear reader (me lol),

The reason I started this diary was to write whatever I could remember about the last 3 years at med school and the events to come but when I wrote the first word my thoughts poured out and it became a very personal and emotional word vomit diary XD So much was pent up inside me and so many things I wanted to tell you that it just came out. I know we don't write so openly, that anyone in the house can find words from the hidden corners of our heart and read them. But I made an exception for this one. I don't write like this anymore and whatever pours out of me occasionally when my walls are down are hidden among pages of med school notes. It hurts sometimes, to hide these words of my heart like that so I decided I'm going to write in a diary for a change, if you can call this tiny book a diary lol. (seriously, it's the same size as my miniature hands.) I wasn't expecting such a gush of thoughts and emotions though but it's nice and I'm enjoying it so far. Guess this is the 2nd thing in my life I have done for the fun of it lol. It's slightly sad that these are the only two but Alhamdulilah, it's cool, I'm in a much better place now by the Mercy of Allah. 

So yeah the med school part, or atleast whatever I remember with my goldfish memory. I remember my first day of first year ofcourse, considering I started 2 weeks late and on top of that I was late for my first ever class. It was a professional skills class, by a TA Dr whose name I don't remember. What I do remember, was that sweet girl Sara who had offered to help me around and be my friend kind of when she found out I was new. If only I didn't have to hang around the girls from my high school though, she would have been an amazing friend, may Allah bless her. And that was the beginning of my struggle with a group of girls I was familiar with but never friends with. Correction: I wanted to be friend with but they never truly accepted me. I remember that embarrassing thought process that if I sat in the middle of the group I would be more involved in the conversation and such. I cannot thank Allah enough for getting me out of that depressing state. I officially distanced myself from them last semester by leaving the whatsapp group (wow, so mature XD) and it was a huge relief. Being a third wheel is something I would never wish on anyone, it makes you question your own worth most of the times and you should never, ever do that. It doesn't matter how different you are or how you see the world, those who matter, won't mind. Now that I'm writing this letter, I'm kind of proud of myself. I've always had the habit of going beyond for people who would never do the same for me. I'm choosing the right people now though. They listen to my random thoughts XD and cheer me on and look so happy when they see me. It feels great to be validated so it's much better now. Alhamdulilah.