Notes

2

The beat was heavy and difficult to play along to, he had never really played like this before, it was new to him. Of course he had practised for months, but this time it was real, a real audience before him. And it all counted on him. The guitarist pulled at the strings, eliciting all kinds of notes, and the bass player picked at terrifying speeds. He should've never chose to play in a rock band. The singer was a pianist, pressing the keys of his synthesiser in front of him. But the only way to keep them going was the beat, and the beat always depended on the drummer, and unfortunately, he was the drummer.

Dowoon had played the drum since he was ten, only really picking it up in high school. Dowoon, ever since a baby played with toy drum sets, always enjoying the sounds and many beats he could make, no beat was the same to him. However, once he entered high school, he could finally try what a real drum set was like. Everyday he went into the music room and got help from the teachers to play, and gradually, he could finally play a decent beat, playing in assemblies, to school shows, to talent shows, and eventually in a club once he reached 15, playing with a guitarist who he still works with now. He was one of the best guitarists, in his opinion. He was a funny guy too, speaking fluent English but struggling on his Korean was alway funny to laugh at. His name was Jae, and he still works with him now and again.

So that was how Dowoon was accepted into this school. He never thought he would be so lucky to get into the best music college in the country, but he did it, and didn't even know how. But today was nerve wracking, his wrists doing their own thing as his brain wasn't quick enough to play with such a fast beat, if he screwed this up, he screwed everyone up. He wasn't ready for that, he wasn't ready to be mass blamed for something as big as this. So that's why he wasn't going to mess up, he's going to play until his arms fell off.

He breathed at an even pace, matching the beats which helped him think. But he was getting exhausted, it was such a fast pace, and there were people watching him, which made it harder. The thought of so many people watching him frightened him. And his group weren't the nicest of people at all.  They always told him to do the work, to clean up, to do better. They just saw him as the drummer, not a person, just the drummer.

He was beginning to shake at this point, he was thinking of so many things, it was like there was a fire alarm ringing in his head, and everything that was in it was panicking, sending random thoughts around his head, confusing him and taking him somewhere else that he didn't want to be. The music sheet blurred at points, making him confused, so he had to just depend on his heart, following what he felt was right.

Everything was building up and it was scary. He's not going to do this, he can't do this, he's going to mess up.

So, as all of these thoughts got tangled up in his mind, it finally happened, he was so sure he was going to fail that he didn't believe in himself. He slipped off the seat and missed an entire bar, completely wrecking the song, and every other player on stage stopped and looked up to him in complete disappointment. His eyes looked around the audience, everyone was staring at him, and he hated it. The attention was focused on him and he couldn't stand it, it was driving him to tears.

He saw everyone's face turn bored, and disappointed, and voices began to flush through his head. "You ruined it for them." "Well done, you just threw your whole career out the window," "ugh, he's always the one to screw things up." "I knew you shouldn't have been in our team." And then the voices in his head became real voices, the band members shook their heads and told him horrible things, and all he did was sit, the tears had finally escaped and he was crying, he hadn't only ruined this for himself, but for the others too. And now whenever someone mentions his name, the only thing that will come to mind is "failure," and he hates to accept that it's true.

His arms ache as he walks down the street in the cold rain, he's not going back there... What will his parents think about this? He doesn't even want to know, he's just shattered everything. The jigsaw had just been messed up, and he doesn't have the courage to build it again. It took him 20 years to get here, and he's kicked out just like that. What a waste.