Chasing Elliott - Published

chapter forty one ... forgive yourself

Magoa (n.)
a heartbreaking feeling that leaves long lasting traces, visible in gestures and facial expressions.
———

"Mia, stop," I groaned as I pulled my pillow over my head to try and muffle her whining. "Just five more minutes."

Suddenly, a knock on the front door caused Mia to start barking. I sighed loudly as I swung my legs out of bed and opened my door. Mia immediately darted toward the front door and sat in front of it with her head tilted slightly.

"I'm coming," I said loudly after hearing another knock. Pulling open the door, my eyes widened before tears sprung to them and relief rushed through me. "Oh thank god."

"I got your voicemail," my aunt breathed out as she wrapped her arms around me. "I came as soon as I could. I brought breakfast."

Smiling widely, I pulled back and stepped to the side so she could come in. Mia immediately started rubbing against my aunt's legs and she cooed as she bent down to pet her.

"She likes you," I pointed out softly as I closed the front door. My aunt smiled up at me before she walked into the kitchen and grabbed some plates out of the cabinet. Pulling some donuts out of the bag she carried with her, she placed them on the plates before handing one to me.

"How are you holding up?" She asked as she rested against the counter and took a bite of her donut. She looked at me intently and I knew there was no point in lying.

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair before reaching for my donut. "Not too good to be honest. I don't blame King for storming out and not wanting to talk to me but it's so hard not having my best friend here with me. And what's worse is I don't have the slightest clue on how to fix it. Or if I even can."

I choked on a sob and put the donut back down before turning around to put the plate on the coffee table. Flopping down on the couch, I put my head in my hands and felt the couch dip beside me. My aunt put a hand on my back and rubbed small circles there till I lifted my head out of my hands.

"I'm really sorry, bug," she said sadly as she gave me a very weak smile. "Unfortunately I think you just have to give her time and hope that it's enough."

"And what if it's not?" I whispered as tears started to escape my eyes.

"Then you have to find a way to move on and forgive yourself."

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I nodded my head before wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand. Staring at the television blankly, I swallowed the lump in my throat before my aunt started talking again.

"I hope you're not mad at Alex but he told us what happened with Cooper," she started to say slowly as she cast me a glance. "Have you tried talking to him?"

"No," I replied with a sigh as I kept my eyes trained on the floor. "I don't even know what I'd say."

"Bug, you need to find out what happened before you drive yourself crazy thinking about it," she said somewhat sternly, turning on what I called her mom mode.

Chuckling quietly, I shook my head. "I know, trust me I know. I just feel lost."

My aunt nodded as she started rubbing small circles on my back again. Turning to look at her, I saw the sad look on her face and I tried my best to give her a smile but it faltered. She pressed a kiss to my forehead before pulling back to look at me once more.

"Listen to me, Elliott. I know what it feels like to live with mistakes and regret and I don't want that for you. While I don't like seeing you heartbroken like this, I also don't want you sitting around without exhausting all your options. My little girl is strong, fierce, and takes control. She doesn't sit back and let the world tell her what she's supposed to do, she goes out and tells the world that it better look out because she's going to stop at nothing till she gets what she wants.

"You are one of the strongest and bravest people that I know. You are so unforgivably yourself and it's inspiring to see. You need to remember who you are and decide what you want for yourself and if what you want isn't achievable, you try anyway. You have the biggest heart, bug, and I think it's time you stop being afraid of it."

Scoffing quietly in disbelief, a genuine small smile came to my face. I put my head on my aunts shoulder and took a deep, relaxing breath as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and played with my hair. Pulling back after a moment, I pressed a kiss to her cheek before climbing off the couch.

"Thank you," I said softly. Walking over to the door, I slipped on a pair of sandals before cursing under my breath, remembering I didn't have a car anymore. Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turned to see my aunt standing there holding out her keys to me. Taking them gratefully, she pulled me into a hug.

"Go get him, bug," she whispered before pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. Giving her a smile, I turned around and darted out the door.

———

Pulling up the guy's apartment, I turned off the car and sat there for a moment. A million thoughts were going through my mind but my aunt was right - I needed to go after what I wanted, no matter how hard it may be.

Taking a deep breath I reached for the handle and slipped out of the car, making sure to lock it behind me. Slowly walking up to the main door of the building, I froze with my hand on the handle before shaking my head at myself and walking in.

Making my way up the stairs, I tried to push all the doubt and fears out of my mind and just focus on the here and now, on this moment in front of me. As I reached the fourth floor and turned the corner, my eyebrows furrowed as I saw a couple boxes sitting outside the door.

Walking around them, I knocked on the door as I stared at the boxes in confusion. Hearing footsteps approaching, I took a deep breath before biting my lip in anticipation. As the door opened, I saw Benjamin standing there with a look of exhaustion clear as day on his face.

"Kingsley isn't here," he said, clearly annoyed with whatever was going on. "I am very sorry though for everything that happened. I really hope you two can patch this up."

"It's okay, Benji. It's not your fault," I reassured him as he walked back into the apartment. Following behind him, I spotted multiple more boxes scattered around the place. "I'm here for Cooper, actually."

Benjamin released a distressed sigh as he ran a hand through his hair before turning back around to face me. "I'm sorry, El, but he's not here either. He's moving and refuses to tell me where he's moving to and he won't show up if I'm here."

I closed my eyes and sighed in defeat before glancing around at the boxes. Looking back up at Benjamin, a sad smile came to face as I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist before burying my head in his chest. His arms instantly wrapped around me as he rested his head on top of mine.

"It will get better," I mumbled softly as I tried to fight back tears.

"I know it will," Benjamin replied sadly as he placed a hand on the back of my head. "Just not yet."