I DON'T MIND by Joanne Brown

Bullies

   The following day I went to school thinking that my day would be great and everrything would be just fine. I was actually kinda happy. When I was having lunch suddenly I felt something on my hair, it was a note saying:
 
      you should be
      ashamed of who
       you are you're
       a useless human!

   When I read it I just knew who had sent it so I looked at the popular table and they were laughing a lot. I felt really bad. Why did I have to send that love letter? I was very ashamed of myself and I started beliving in what they were saying about me. I felt like I was a useless human that didn't belong here, so when I got home I ran to my room without even saying hi to my parents and sister. What I didn't know was that my young sister had followed me to my room and heard everything. I started crying thinking that I was less than everyone else, but somehow I heard this voice in my head saying:
   -Please don't cry, you're the most needed person on earth now.
   I thought it was my subconscius but it really wasn't. It was my little sister who knew what I was going through and I own my life to her.
   As the time passed by the group started doing things they weren't before. Those days were the hardest days of my life. The things they were saying were getting worse and worse, until one day, I just couldn't hold myself anymore so when I got home I closed my door and I started writting a letter. No, it wasn't the letter to my bulies. Not yet, that wouldn't be funny you know, end the story now? I don't think so. Well, I wrote my suicide letter. Wich I absolutely regret doing. My letter was short and simple:

   Hi mom, hi dad, hi Whitney. I love you all but I don't
   deserve to live. I am not worthit. I hope you don't cry for me
   because I don't feel like you should, I don't deserve it.
   please tell Lydia it is not her fault.

   I felt like I was ready. I felt like I had to die, so I started thinking of a quick and effective way to take my own life. Then I had this stupid ideia. I was gonna make a video of me killing myself and tell my parents to show the video to my bullies. So I did it. I thought that the best way to kill myself was to use a knife. So I ran to kitchen and grabbed the sharpest knife I could find and I ran back to my room. Then I startded the video with my phone and explained to my bullies what I was doing:
   -Hello, it's Joanne Brown, the girl you're playing with because you're homophobic. Like you said, I am useless. I shouldn't be considered a human, so I'll do as you wish. By tomorow I'll no longer be a part of your life. Not that I have ever been but you will no longer be a part of my life. If you don't feel anything after you see this maybe you shouldn't be considered a human. I hope you still think I am useless because if you didn't my death wouldn't be for a good cause. I don't think anyone will ever miss me.
   Then I showed my knife and I tried my best to hit my heart, but I failed. Something I am thankfull for everyday. But it hurt a lot. The doctors said it was a miracle because I didn't hit any vein or artheria. I don't know how. Then my parents made me watch the video and to read the letter as a punishment for doing such thing. It was very hard but I thought that if I watched the video I would never do it again. I guess I was wrong. The hardest part was to remember the pain I was feeling, I thought that if I died no one would notice. My parents thought I wouldn't survive so they showed the video to the bullies. I don't even know how they knew who the people were but anyways... they all knew it.