T.A.L.K.🌻

I'm BI-myself and I may have realised something

I feel so gay.

Like...

very gay.

By the way I'm doing some research on names, I haven't found anything yet.
I want it to mean something.

Okay this thing that I'm about say is gonna sound weird :

so I have an EXTREMELY feminine name, like, VERY FEMMININE.

And It's not that I don't like that, It's just I don't like my first name, I guess...?

Listen, I don't know how to put this, but my favourite names are all boy names.

And I may have thought about going by one of those names, but I'm not trans, I think... no I'm pretty sure.

I do hate my body but I don't think that's the reason.
And then I think I would've known sooner if I was, you know?
I mean I do have this memory of little me looking in the mirror and thinking I was a boy.
I literally was convinced I was.
But sometimes I like being femminine, like, wearing skirts and dresses...

Oh shit, am I gender fluid?
No I don't think I am.
But what if I am.

OH MY GOD HOW DID I EVEN GET HERE I WAS TALKING ABOUT NAMES.

SHIT, LET'S GET BACK TO THAT WON'T WE?

so... names...
ugh now I can't stop thinking about that.

I have been thinking a lot about my gender identity lately, since the moment I cut my hair, I looked in the mirror and I freaked out.
"I really look like a boy" so I ran to my room, I put a dress and make up on.

Once I even called this gay-help line.

I just... I thought everything was going for the best, no anxiety attacks anymore, no overwhelming and no need to go to therapy.

I don't want it to be true... I really don't because then there will be a lot of problems, so every time the thought comes to my mind I shut it down.

But if I manage to shut it down and not think about it it means it's not true, no?

I am so lost.

And I have no one to talk to about this, no one that actually gets it in SOME WAY.

Hell , I don't even have someone to do gay jokes with.

oMg i nEeD a gAY bEsT fRiEnD!1!1!1!1

just kidding.

Bi- the way, what does "jk" mean?"
"just kidding?"
"joking"?

I am confusion.

okay I'm done here, peace.