Life changing [Billie Eilish x reader] on break

Say it

I woke up to the sun abusing my eyes through the blinds, and a hand around my waist like I'm going to fall away. I try to remember who it is, but I just remember. It's Billie, I don't really remember all of last night. But I know it ended up with me falling asleep to Billie singing. And here we are, In my bed.

A small groan comes from Billie as she starts to wake up. "I don't want to get up," she whines and buries her face into my back. I laugh a bit at her cuteness. "Then don't, I'm not going to school today, " I tried to turn to look at her, but all I saw was hair and blankets.

"why aren't you going to school?"

"Because I simply don't want to. But I do need to get up so you can stay here as long as you want," I get up from my bed leaving Billie in my room, probably to sleep more. I wander around my apartment and open blinds. It's a beautiful rainy day, just my type of day. I make my way into the living room and plop straight onto the sofa. I turn on my tv and play some music. Billie emerges from my room and into the living room, in my clothes.

"I got lonely in there, you left me." She pouts and lays with me on the sofa nuzzling her face into the crook of my neck.

We lay silent for a while but the music on my tv changes to a song, the song that changed my life. I still remember that day oh so vividly.
/////trigger warning/////

I get home from another day of school. My parents are yet again, not home and the house is quiet and lonely. The only noise to be heard is the sound of my boots on the wooden floor as I make my way to my room. All the built up feeling from today that should have been there, just wasn't. I felt nothing. All the names they called me. All the punches that got thrown my way. I didn't care. Everything that was being said was completely true so why let the facts get to me.

The front door opens and my mum yells to her phone. I know she's talking to my father, he cheated again so she's probably telling him not to come home.

Again,

Then the bubble of anger in me bursts out into warm salty wet teardrops. I locked my bedroom door. And put my music up high so I can hear the yelling, and so my mum can't hear me crying. I stumbled to my desk and took out a box, the box full of razors, scissors, knifes and other sharp objects. I took one of them and began cutting horizontal cuts alone the top parts of my arm, so they're better hidden from the world. But that wasn't enough.

I wanted the feeling of nothingness to be done. Done for good. I put the blade back into the box and look for the pills that I kept in my closet.

"Don't be that way
Fall apart twice a day
I just wish you could feel what you say
Show, never tell
But I know you too well
Got a mood that you wish you could sell
If teardrops could be bottled
There'd be swimming pools filled by models
Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore"

I put the bottle of pills down, there's more to life then what others think.

"If "I love you" was a promise
Would you break it, if you're honest
Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before
I don't wanna be you anymore
Hands, hands getting cold
Losing feeling's getting old
Was I made from a broken mold?
Hurt, I can't shake"

There has to be something more than the pain of this cruel world.

"We've made every mistake
Only you know the way that I break
If teardrops could be bottled
There'd be swimming pools filled by models"

This has to be for a reason

"Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore
If "I love you" was a promise
Would you break it, if you're honest
Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before
I don't wanna be you
I don't wanna be you
I don't wanna be you, anymore"

And I want to live to see that reason.
//////

"Blue? You okay?"

"I've never been better."