Gay for a Month | ⚣ Jikook [discontinued]

a/n

hi

yea, im sorry for not touching this fic in over 4 or so months. or just never really releasing an actual chapter during the course of this year.

im just out of it

im tired of everything

i dont want to be here anymore

i use to write because it made me happy(?) but now? ha. what even is happiness?  was what i felt even real? no. i dont think so. it was probably another lie i told to myself.

now that i think about it, writing on here, wattpad, was just another distraction. well, it was a good one...i  guess. :) 

it was nice seeing people interact with each other in the comments section. it was nice to you all happy. 

and, im aware that while i was gone, people have been commenting about a certain dialogue or two in one of the chapters. you know, with the whole body shaming thing and the whole persona of jimin. 

just so you know, this is a fanfic. not everything has to be the same as the real life persona of jimin park. 

and now to address the whole body shaming thing.

to get this out of the way, 

i am not a guy. 

i am a woman, 

a bisexual woman. 

i do NOT, in fact, hate women. :)

so, thanks for assuming i hate women and that i am a guy <3

ok, so, if you've known me for a while and have talked a bit, youd know that i am very insecure about my image. and, youd know that i tend to make jokes belittling myself. yes, i am aware that it is quit unhealthy but at this point... ha... :)

at the time, i had placed myself in the spot of that cashier lady. why? hint hint, i practically stated why in the "paragraph" above. 

but i am also aware that some people would find that reasoning to be quite stupid and fake. well, thanks. thanks for belittling the way i feel about my own underweight, flat-chested body <3. yes, it may not seem like it, but its indirectly belittling the way i feel. 

ok, im done with that. :)

now, what i really decided to publish this "a/n" for.

i thinking of leaving. 

leaving everything behind.

my family, friends, hobbies, likes, dislike, all my memories, both bad an good.

im tired of having to take pills for breakfast and dinner. im tired of never getting sleep and running on 5 cups of coffee. im tired of all the shit that has been thrown my way. 

im tired of everyone, except my irl and sum online friends, belittling my feelings, killing my already non-existent self-esteem, saying that "it'll get better" only for them to knock me back down.

its tiring.

its nearly been 8 years. 8 fucking years. (currently 13, so, around the age of 5)

i just want to disappear. disappear into thin air. i want everyone to forget me. i want the universe to erase all the impacts ive made.  :)

i just want to feel what happiness felt like

but even that in itself, seems like something so far away and impossible to reach.

i should end this soon. i still have papers to do.

...

to recap:

im sorry but im thinking of quitting.

im thinking of quitting wattpad

or just quitting life

:)

if i never log on within the next few years, its safe to assume that ive died.

i never planned on living long to begin with.

so, you all can let your imaginations soar with how youd like to imagine this "books" end. i probably wont live long enough to write it out.

-

thanks luvs for all the support youve given me and the "happiness(?)" i was able to "feel".

ill miss you all

idk

i might comeback one of these days

who knows

:)

thank you

yours truly, katrina joy