I Eat Oreos

10

Gavin

We were still sitting on Uncle Terry's bed in silence. She didn't ask any questions and I was thankful because I didn't want to answer.

I couldn't stop thinking of her. Tiffany. She wasn't my mother, not by a long shot. She never would be. Not like she ever wanted to be. If she did she would've been with me instead of being some rich man's permanent call girl.

I couldn't say that I wasn't angry; I had been for years. I hadn't seen her since I was 10 and even before then, she was always gone. I couldn't understand what she was thinking coming to my Uncle's funeral. That I was gonna be happy? That I was gonna forgive her?

I felt a light feathery feeling run across my hand. Looking down I saw Kayla's thumb rubbing my hand. Typically, I'd snatch it away. But this was her. I wanted it and even felt I needed it from her.

Kayla was always so gentle. Her touch, her voice, her eyes. Everything about her was gentle and calm and peaceful. She seemed to be able to handle any hard situation with grace. Even with Jesse, she didn't lose her temper and that girl gets me fired up faster than Chick Fil A workers serving food. But Kayla, she'd just smile. I just wondered...

"Kayla," I called. "Yeah?" She looked at me. "What would you do?" She gave me a questioning look. What was I talking about, she wanted to know. My mouth twitched a little. I'd have to explain eventually.

"What would you do if your mother abandoned you at 10 years old, barely ever spoke a word to you, and hasn't seen you in person since? What would you do if she showed up randomly when your uncle, her brother died, and begged you to forgive her? What would you do if she wanted to form a relationship with you again after she broke your heart?"

It hurt so bad—so so much, to have to say that out loud; to have to explain that practically killed me. I felt like I was watching her rushing out the door again, telling me she was coming right back. It was something I tried never to think about.

She grabbed my hand and held it completely; she squeezed. With her other hand, she grabbed my chin and said, "look at me." I don't know why I felt so much shame but I did and I couldn't. I just couldn't look at her. I regretted saying that. I felt I shouldn't have. It was a mistake.

"Gavin, look," she spoke so softly, almost like a whisper. I eased my eyes up to her face. "You're entitled to feel pain. You're entitled to be angry. I'd be surprised if you weren't. And I want you to know that you deserve that kind of love. You did then and you do now. There's nothing, at all, wrong with you. Her not sticking around has nothing to do with you, but her own personal problems. It's not you."

I'd cried over Susanna. I cried for a few days actually. I hadn't cried since then until Kayla said those words to me. It wasn't until then that I realized that I needed to hear those words. I needed to hear that I wasn't not good enough, I wasn't less of a child. To hear Kayla say that, I truly believed it. I could see it in her eyes, she thought I was somebody.

She grabbed my neck and put my head on her shoulder as I wept. I felt freer. I felt less burdened. I felt less angry.

"You still have a perfect parent. God, our Father, loves you more than anyone can. It may not feel like it or seem like it, but He does. So many times in your life you've been hurt. I know it seems unfair. But God wants to build you. He wants to strengthen you. That pain isn't just for you either. Someone else needs to know that they can make it. They will see through you that they can make it because you can make it."

She pulled away and looked me straight in the eyes. "You can make it, Gavin." I nodded my head almost fully believing in her.

I really hoped she was right.

We went back to the Morgans' and Miss Keirah saw us and waved us over. She was standing right there with her. We walked over to them. She looked nervous for some reason.

"Gavin, it's so nice to meet your mother. You look so much like her," Miss Keirah said excitedly. My eye twitched hearing that.

"I don't have any other rooms left, is it okay if she takes your room?"

Kayla stepped forward to speak to her mom, but I stopped her.

"Yes ma'am, she can. I can stay with Jack."

Her eyes widened and so did Kayla's. "Good, then!" I nodded and walked away to go pack my bags in my room. Kayla followed suit.

"Really?" She asked with an excited expression. "Yeah," I shrugged. "She's here. I can't make her leave. Besides, I have a feeling I won't be able to. Not with you around always trying to make me do the right thing." She laughed and sat on the bed.

"Thank you again, Kayla, for being there for me. You really don't know how good it's made me feel. I guess I can say we're friends."

"Guess? I considered you a friend as soon as I saw you in my house," she smiled brightly.

"I guess I owe you one. What do you want?" I asked. "Gavin, I don't do things for-" she stopped. A smirk came across her face.

"Get rid of that ugly Jeep."

"Anything but that." She pouted. "Please! Rent a car at least. I'm tired of seeing that ugly thing in my driveway."

"Don't worry you won't. I won't be here for long." That made her go real quiet. She looked away from me and down on the ground. Had I messed up by saying that?

"You're right, I guess, you won't," she spoke quietly. At the sound of her voice, I felt sick. She sounded sad and I didn't want that. To be honest, I wished I could see her all the time. It was a pleasure being around her.

"Will you call?" she asked suddenly. I hadn't thought about that. But now that she mentioned it...

"Yes, ma'am. I sure will."

She gave me that bright smile again and I felt like everything would be just fine.