Faith Like A Mustard Seed

The Beginning

Standing on the side of the road, holding out your thumb, waiting for someone kind enough to pick you up and take you where you need to go, doesn't exactly make you feel like you're on top of the world. No, it makes you feel like the scum of the earth that has nothing.

I don't know why God put me here. You know, in this position. No money, no family, no friends, no home, no nothin'. All I've got is my trusty companion, Buck. My seven-year-old yellow lab. We have traveled all over together. He's one of the only things I can thank God for. Other than Buck, my life kind of stinks. I roam around Canada (Vancouver is where my heart is) in my coat with millions of holes and my gloves with no fingers. My hair is starting to turn gray and it's very stringy. My eyes are a bluish-gray and my teeth, well let's just say, I haven't been to the dentist in a while... I weigh around 127 pounds. I don't get the opportunity of eating much, and what I do eat, most of the time, comes from the garbage cans full of the food from ungrateful people who don't know how to cherish what they have. Yeah, I don't sound like something you'd want to see, and you're right.

I get put down by so many people everyday. Sometimes it's when I'm holding out my money cup, and sometimes it's when all I'm doing is sitting there not doing anything at all. I can't help myself, but sometimes, I blame God for everything that's happened to me. When I was younger and actually had a family, I would always hear, in church, that God would always be there for you and he would never leave or forsake you. Yeah, I think those were lies. If they were telling the truth then where has God been?

When I was five my mom died of brain cancer. She left behind me, my brother, and my dad. The three of us boys continued going to church and I felt like God had us protected, even though he took away my mom. But as the years progressed, I fell away from God. I felt like he'd abandoned me because my dad became an alcoholic and my brother followed in his footsteps. They both got their own apartment and said that since I wouldn't drink, they disowned me. I missed my mom. And both of my grandparents had died and neither my mom or my dad had any siblings. I was so lonely and because I was only 14 at the time, I had no where to go and no one to go to.

That's when I started roaming the streets of Vancouver. I got many looks of people who thought they were much better than I was. They looked down on me as if I had no purpose, and, you know, they were right. Well, that's what I thought at the time.

I'm not a very lively person, if you haven't figured that out. My life is pretty much walking, going through garbage cans, and talking with Buck. He's my only friend. I love him and don't know what I'd do if anything happened to him, since he's all I got.

I wish I knew what happened to my life. I had a perfect life. Loving parents and a brother who would listen and I could tell him anything. It's really confusing to me and it even makes me angry with God. I shake my fist at him all the time and I have no respect for him at all. He was supposed to always be there for me. Well look at how that turned out. Obviously not good.

Enough with my past. Time to move on. It's gonna be hard, but I can do it.