Faith Like A Mustard Seed

My Life

November 17th.

The weather is really cold and my fingers feel like they could fall off. My toes are poking through my 26-year-old shoes. I've been wearing them since I was 14. I've never had enough money, really no money at all, to buy new shoes. They are probably 2 or 3 sizes too small now. My toes, I'm sure of it, have gotten frostbite more than once.

Cars drive by and I see people staring at me. They're probably wondering what I'm doing out here like this. I don't care what people think. It's not their life.

Well, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. The trash cans will be filled with delicious food! I always love Thanksgiving and Christmas time because the food is so much better! I eat off the leftover turkey and ham. I crave for them all year, now it's finally that time of year again! It's also around the time of the Thanksgiving parade. I go to that just to see everything. It puts me in the spirit. I actually think the parade is in a couple days. It's exciting!

I grabbed a stray cart from one of the grocery stores. I put my trash sack in it. It consisted of a hat I had found not too long ago and a very holy blanket. I figured that was better than nothing. I began looking through some cans and found a half-eaten veggie burger. I'm not vegetarian, but I'd rather eat this than grass. I began to eat the veggie burger. It was still a little warm. My mouth watered as I ate it because this is the first I had eaten in about 2 and a half days. I needed water, but I haven't found any yet. I finished off the burger and went on my way. I was full and couldn't eat another bite. I continued on my search for water.

"Come on boy," I said to Buck. I slapped my leg, signaling him to follow. I grabbed a small piece of steak and threw it to Buck. He gobbled it down and it was gone in three seconds flat. I'm sure he was starving because he had not eaten in more than 3 days. He is definitely a fighter. We both needed water badly but I couldn't find any. Finally I decided to go to my last resort. Ask a restaurant for water. I remember as a youngster when my father had went to a McDonald's and got some water. I think it was free...

I walked into McDonald's and all the heads inside turned and all eyes were on me. I slowly and cautiously walked to the cash register. I asked in a quiet voice, " H-how much is your water?" The kind woman behind the counter answered in an ever so sweet voice, "It's free. Would you like some?" I answered back, "Yes. Two cups please." "Coming right up," she said with a smile. She gave me two cups and had me go to the fountain and get some water. I quickly drank it and got a refill. I took Buck's water out to him. He lapped up his water just as quickly. He whined and I knew he wanted more. I slipped inside and got some more water for Buck and drank my second cup. Oh, how I've missed this luxury.

I shivered from the biting cold and tried my best to cover up. I looked at Buck. He looked so cold. I wished I could've given him a better home. I'd looked for jobs everywhere but no place was hiring. I had always had the worst luck with finding jobs. Trust me. I had definitely tried. You think I wanted to be begging other people for money and food when I was forty? That sure wasn't my plan.

It was just so hard to take in the way people disregard how I felt all the time. That's how it had been all my life after Mom had died. My dad never asked me how my day had gone and my brother and I never really talked anymore. I used to tell my brother everything, but after Mom died, he didn't care at all. I mean, yeah for a year or so after Mom's death, Dad and my brother, Jacob, still cared and everything. After that one year, my world was flipped completely upside down. I couldn't even remember the last nice thing my dad or Jacob said to me. I felt so alone in the world, like no matter how loud I screamed or how much I fought, no one could see or hear me. It was like I was a ghost of some sort.

I didn't believe God existed anymore. If He did, my life would've gotten much better by then. I loved God with all my heart. I gave Him my life. And that was how I was repayed? I sat on the sidewalk begging for the smallest amount of money. Even a penny would've sufficed. I was always so caring. I loved people. I don't know what changed or why. I always felt confused. It's like I was getting payback. But for what? I wished I knew.