They cried a lot. Sometimes they cried in the morning, sometimes at night. Many times in the fox den but a few times in the trees surrounding the den or in the hut by the river. More than a few times, Bai Qian walked into his room and found a quivering mass of black cloak and as much as she hurt for the little boy, she forced herself to walk away and let him grieve in peace as she had promised him.
Things got a little better in general, it was the little things that made the difference like early morning walks just the two of them where they talked about anything and nothing. Many times the topics revolved around the dreams she or A-Li had of Ye Hua or things that had happened in the previous day or what they would eat that day. A-Li had also decided he wanted to learn to cook, he'd woken up one morning and announced to her that he was going to learn to cook and that he was only going to cook for her, like his father. The new goal had given him a channel for his energy and had began to reduce the time he spent crying, she was glad for it. He'd insisted she did not need to learn when she suggested tackling it together; 'only one of us needs to know' he'd said not realizing his father had used the same words.
Heavenly lord had given him one month to settle in before sending tutors. She'd converted one of the smaller caves into a classroom for him. The top of the cave was open, sealed with magic to keep out the weather elements but she refused to allow her son sit in a dark room for hours simply becaause he needed to learn. The opening also served to give a sense of time to the tutors as she'd explain the first day they came. They had five hours, no more but they could use less if they wanted. She sent him off after breakfast, walking him only as far as the mouth of the fox den. He walked to the classroom himself while she sat in front of the den and waited for him for all five hours. Mi Gu or Nai Nai - who had settled into Shao Xin's old spot - would find her and try to convince her to wait inside. By the second week, they'd given up, instead bringing a blanket to cover her whenever they found her. She'd often drift off to sleep and dream of Ye Hua. No one had visited from the nine heavens in the two months since A-Li moved and her heart broke for the little boy who missed the family he'd known for 300 years.
She read the note she had just written again, satisfied with it, she gave it to Nai Nai to deliver to the nine heavens. She tried to send updates to the heavenly lord, Le Xu and Lian Song every other week. Only Lian Son had acknowledged or replied but she sent them diligently. Although there were times when she felt too tired to write three letters, she forced herself to keep the habit. Today was one of those days.
"Goddess, you look tired. You should try to get some rest" Nai Nai said
"I didn't do much today since A-Li had to study. I'm not sure why I'm feeling tired but I'll have some soup and rest. You should get going so you can be back home before it gets dark" Bai Qian replied, smiling at her loyal companion.
The maid nodded and left. Bai Qian got some soup and joined A-Li in the main room.
"Time to eat" She said placing the tray on the table and interrupting A-Li's retelling of his day's adventure to Mi Gu. He quickly turned to the food, talking between mouthfuls. Bai Qian stroked his head and picked up her own food. Her stomach objected by pushing out its entire contents as soon as the as the soup touched her tongue.
"Mother!"
"Gu Gu!"
The calls rang out in unison.
Bai Qian had always been healthy as far she could remember but she suddenly felt the weight of the exhaustion she'd been fighting off and felt the knots in her stomach tighten even more. She hadn't eaten all day, she realized. Little wonder she'd been so tired. She figured it was all the grief and emotional baggage she was dealing with. Still, she had to think of A-Li and how the nine heavens would respond if they thought she was being negligent even with herself.
"I think I'm a little more tired than I thought. Mi Gu, go get Zhe Yan. A-Li, help me clean this up" She looked up at her son as he stared at her with unmasked fear and her heart grieved for the boy who had known too much loss.
She left the mess she had started to wipe and hugged him tightly. "I'm not going anywhere, I will be here to watch you grow up." she whispered to him.
"Have you been eating well?" Zhe Yan asked from the door of the cave. Without waiting for an answer, he walked up to her and stared at her for a while before beaming his magic at her.
"High god Zhe Yan, Is my mother going to die?" A -Li asked
"No she is not, but you should come to the peach forest tomorrow to pick some fruit for her. She'll need to eat a lot more now"
"A-Li understands" He nodded emphatically
"What do you mean?" Bai Qian asked weakly.
"Your son understands but you don't?" Zhe Yan teased
"Old phoenix, don't play with me"
"You're pregnant." Zhe Yan replied
"No!, No. I can't be" she whispered
"Why is that?" Zhe Yan asked calmly
"I don't want to be pregnant without Ye Hua. I can't do it Zhe Yan. I'm not strong enough"
"Seems like you're out of choices in that regards. A-Li will pick up some supplements and potions for you when he comes for the peaches tomorrow" He turned to the little boy "You have to look after your mother even more now that she's carrying your younger brother or sister"
He left her sitting on the chair, resting her head on her knees.
"Mother, are you sad about the baby?" A-Li asked
She stroked her son's head. When she was pregnant with him she'd been alone while the forces of the nine heavens tried to tear her and Ye Hua apart. Now she was pregnant again and he wouldn't be there. A solitary tear fell from her eyes.
"I'm sad your father is not here to be part of this" she told him
"It's ok. I'm sad too but I'll take care of you like father would and I'll be a good big brother"
"You'll be perfect" she replied him.
They ate their food in silence then she helped him get ready for bed. Rather than leave the room when he fell asleep, she lay beside him for a long time staring at the roof of the cave. When she turned to her side, she saw him watching them both from the corner of the room, looking so serious. He smiled when he noticed she was awake. She walked up to him and hugged him tightly.
"Ye Hua, you're going to be a father again" She said
"Really?" He smiled and placed his hand on her stomach
"Yes. Zhe Yan confirmed it"
"Do you think this time, we could have a girl?" He asked without removing his hands
"I'll consider it"
"Qian Qian, what's bothering you? This is good news but you look sad."
"I don't want to do this without you, I don't want to go through another pregnancy alone" her voice broke at the end of the statement and tears streamed down her cheeks. She sobbed into his shoulder
"You won't be alone. You'll have me, A-Li, your family and mine" He whispered as she sobbed
"Promise?" she asked sounding more like a child than a 140,000 year old goddess.
"I promise" He replied.
YOU ARE READING
Between two lifetimes
Fanfiction[completed] A reimagination of the 3 years when Ye Hua was dead. Based on Chinese drama - ten miles of peach blossoms. This story starts at the end of episode 56. Ye Hua is already dead and his body has been claimed by his family. That episode at th...
