Between two lifetimes

All in

After the terse exchange, Le Xu had stayed very briefly before leaving for the nine heavens. Bai Qian wanted to believe that it was because she hadn't liked the simplicity of Qing Qiu or found the party lacking but she knew that it was more likely her secret was being spread across the nine heavens as she stood. Zhe Yan had thought so too so he and fourth brother were also staying in the fox den for a few days. Mo Yuan had offered to stay but was instead convinced to take A-Li to Kulun for a few days. The boy had been happy to see where his mother grew up and to 'become high god Mo Yuan's disciple' and to have a third birthday celebration.

By early evening the same day, Ye Hua's parents, Lian Song and heavenly lord were Qing Qiu and were brought into the fox den and entertained by fourth brother and Zhe Yan, her father had taken her mother off to see second brother to prevent her mother's temper from exploding. She had been taking a nap when they got there - tired from all the excitement of A-Li's birthday party. She only found out they were there when she dragged herself into the main room yawning behind her palm.

Everyone stood up as she got into the room, almost as if they wanted to see her before the rest of their group.

"Bai Qian greets everyone" She said without even a head bow, she was pregnant, cranky and angry. She didn't care for pleasantries "nobody visits in over a year and suddenly the whole family is here. Fourth brother can you pass me some tea please"

"Why did you not let us know you were pregnant" heavenly lord asked

"There was no reason to." Bai Qian replied sipping her tea. Fourth brother always made it too warm.

"What do you mean, if I had known I would have ..." he trailed off like an engine running out of steam

"Heavenly lord, there's nothing you could have done or can do. Ye Hua and I were not married" She said the last part with a smile, that sentence had been used against her too many times by the people sitting in the room that she could not resist throwing it back at them.

"The child you carry is Ye Hua's blood. The grand child of the father of gods, I ..."

"The child is Ye Hua's child. And mine. There is no denying that. Ye Hua is gone and nobody can replace him especially not with me. My child will never know his father and that is a pain that none of you can ever share. So let's move on"

"Bai Qian, there are protocols and processed for handling things" Yand Cuo said

"In the nine heavens, for members of the celestial tribe or people married to them. Bai Qian does not fall in any of those categories" the fourth brother replied.

"Everyone here is grieving and you are all grieving in your own way but you are all bound together by the life and death you are grieving. Try to remember that before you pounce on each other" Zhe Yan said calmly

"Heavenly lord, you are all Ye Hua's family and he would want you to be a part of this child's life but Ye Hua and I were not married. In the absence of his father, I have the final say in all things that concern the child. I'm not saying I will keep you away from the child, I haven't even figured out what I'm going to do and I don't want to be rushed into decisions that I am not ready for. I'm taking this pregnancy one day at a time."

"He was my son" Le Xu said

"And you've told me plenty of times that I'm the reason he died. While I'm sorry you believe that, I'm not giving you my son in exchange. Now if you'll excuse me, the baby insists on sitting on my bladder so I need to go relieve myself before we continue this whatever we are calling it."

She tried unsuccessfully to stand up on her own in a dignified manner. She saw her fourth brother and Lian Song stand up at the same time and sighed in her head. Lian Song reached her first, offering his hand and helping her steady herself. When she returned to the room, the atmosphere seemed different, she had no idea what had happened or been said but Le Xu, Yang Cuo and the heavenly lord looked remarkably contrite

"You didn't kill him" Le Xu said quietly "It was easier to blame you than to accept the blame that we'd raised him to think of duty first even if it meant his life"

"I love him. He was more mature than he should have been and always lived like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. But he had a good heart and when he loved, he loved completely. Whether it was one woman or an entire clan" Bai Qian replied

"I loved him as well, he was my only child but I never got the chance to know him well and you were in his life so briefly but you knew him so well. Part of me was jealous of that, it made me a horrible grandmother and mother-in-law"

"We've all been dealing with this badly but you should still have told us about the pregnancy" Yang Cuo insisted.

"Yes, I could have told you but what will that have done? I write each of you fortnightly about A-Li but do you ever respond? He tries to shrug it off when you don't visit but it hurts him and it hurts me as his mother. If not for Shifu, he'd have no family from his father's side. Why should I give you the same power over a second child?"

The child chose that exact time to kick her.

Another authoritarian in her life she thought as she gasped in response to the force of the kick, holding out a hand to the room in general as people had a tendency to offer her assistance whenever her little one was being too playful or disagreeable.

"I'm alright. Just a tiny reminder from the little one" She said when she finally caught her breath. Zhe Yan passed her a cup of water which she took gratefully

Heavenly lord took a deep breath "You are right"

"I am?"

"I feel very guilty for all the things Ye Hua went through. I pushed that boy hard and gave him no room to play or fail. I didn't even know if he was happy or sad just that he was accomplished but I loved him. And after his death, I kept wondering what I could have done differently to keep him alive. That is the reason I let you take A-Li, I figured you would do a better job of making him a well rounded person especially after you pushed back so hard that first day."

"Oh" was all Bai Qian could respond

"We're not very open with emotions as you are in Qing Qiu and sometimes that makes us look cold but we're processing the same emotions you're processing. Ye Hua's death was a blow and while it was hard on all of us, it was hardest on you. You were forced to pick the pieces and start living again whether you were ready or not. You had to do it alone." He said sadly

"Not alone" Bai Qian whispered with a smile as tears fell down her face

"Xiao Wu?" Fourth brother asked

"When I found out I was pregnant, I had a dream and Ye Hua promised I would not do this alone. He said his family would be there"

"Thank you" Le Xu said and hugged Bai Qian for the first time ever.