Mea Culpa

Chapter 4

Quinn woke up to her cell phone's alarm that she had set before settling to bed the night before. She jumped at the sound blaring, then blinked in confusion. The unfamiliar roses on the wallpaper facing her gave her a moment of panic. Where was she and what was she doing there? She looked around the room and the happenings from the day before came rushing back into her mind. She was at Rachel's and Finn wanted nothing to do with her. She dropped back down in the bed. Why should she bother getting up? How was she going to face everyone at school, who by now, would have heard the latest gossip about the mess she had made of her life? Before yesterday she at least had the support of the other students in the Glee club. How would they treat her today now that they knew she lied about the paternity of her baby? A rapping on the bedroom door made her jump.

"Quinn? Are you awake?" Rachel called through the still closed door.

Sighing, Quinn replied, "I'm awake." She pulled the blankets around her saying. "You can come in."

Rachel opened the door and stepped inside, already fully dressed and looking much too alert for 6:30 in the morning. "Did you sleep well, Quinn? I wasn't sure if you would have thought to set an alarm with all that you're going through. I also didn't know if you are someone who awakes to your own internal alarm. I decided that to be safe, I should make sure that you were awake, so that you have time to get ready before we have to leave for school," she said in one breath.

Rubbing her eyes and stretching before replying Quinn said, "I slept fine and I set my cell phone alarm last night, but thanks for coming to check on me even though I really do not want to go to school today."

Rachel looked at Quinn with concern. "Are you sick?"

"If I say I do, will you tell your dads I can stay home?" Quinn asked only half seriously.

"You want me to lie to my dads about your health?" Rachel asked, looking horrified.

"How did you keep coming to school day after day when you knew you were going to be humiliated and degraded? I know everyone will have heard about my lying to Finn and I can just imagine the kind of things they will be saying to me. I just want to go back to sleep and stay asleep until everyone has forgotten about me."

"I went to school everyday, because if I didn't, then it would have given everyone more power over me. I couldn't stop people from treating me the way they do, but I could control how I responded to the treatment. If I choose to hold my head up and smile like it is not bothering me, then I have the power because I am not letting them stop me from doing what I want to do or stop me from being where I want to be. It will be the same way for you, Quinn. People will say horrible things to you and do mean things to try to make you feel bad about what you did. You already feel bad about lying to Finn and you know that what you did was wrong. What would letting other people make you feel worse do to make things better? Would it change what you did? Would it make it better for Finn? You can't change what you did but you can control how you act about it all now. Hold your head up high, admit that you made a mistake, then keep walking. Nobody has the right to judge you when they don't know what it is like to be in your situation," Rachel said with conviction.

Once again, Quinn felt ashamed for how many times she had been the one to torment Rachel. She had never really tried to get to know the younger girl, instead choosing to take out her own feelings of insecurity by humiliating her. How could Rachel stand to allow her to live in her house after all that she had been responsible for? Not able to meet Rachel's eyes, Quinn replied, "I never should have treated you the way that I did. That was another mistake I made and I don't know how to make up for what I did to you. I can't understand how you can stand to be near me, let alone let me stay here."