A MIRACLE IN DISGUISE

A heart of stone

August 7,2016. The day I declared that I'm in love. The day every single person who had some importance in my life knew what the hell I was gonna go through. The day after which everybody started to hate my choice and I started to love my choice more and more.

Choice. What a strange word it is! You are free to choose what you want. But you are never free from the consequences of your choices. And I chose you. By choosing you, I meant that chose your happiness before mines, your smile before mines, your wellness before mine. Choosing to lend you a hand before helping myself. Choosing to not to let a teardrop come out of your eye, even when my eyes create an ocean.

 Well, It was not a choice. Love does funny things to people. Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was my choice. But loving you was  beyond my control. Now I laugh remembering those things. Like I mean how? Why? Why only you? So many boys around there but why only you?

I am never able to answer this question. I mean whenever somebody asks me I feel blank. I don't have any answer. I wish some day god comes down on earth and answer's this question. Anything. Do you have the answer? What is so good in you that I like you? And using my wit, I just give a silly answer, "If I will tell you why I love him, probably you will fall in love too". But actually I don't know myself.

Sometimes I feel to quit. But then I think quit what? I mean what am I doing that I should quit? I don't love you with my will. And how can I quit something I don't even know about how it started?

People call your heart- the heart of stone. It doesn't melt with warmth of love. But why do we need to melt this heart? Diamond won't have been so precious if it melted easily.  It is rare. And so are you. The Rarified Diamond. You are such a precious jewell which needs to be protected from all those people who are ready to rob it. And believe me- there are millions dying out there.

To be honest I don't know how to deal with myself. My brain is such a mess that at one moment I want to kill you myself and at the same time I want to guard you.(Though you don't require my protection) At one instance I expel all the bad I can for you and the very next moment I defend your personality in front of a herd trying to insult you.

I know all this never happened in front of you. But this is true. You are never gonna realise what a stupid person I am. I do anything. I am insane in matters that concern you. And you never know what all things I do behind your back.

If you were in front of my eyes the entire day, your brain would be like a squeezed lemon. Hearing me entire day, sometimes harsh and sometimes sweet. Oh good lord! I hope this never happens. Touchwood. May you always maintain your healthy state of mind.(away from me, I drive people crazy)

The amount I speak of you is immense. I don't think. ( If I would have thought then I won't have ended up like this tho) Without thinking I speak your name. I hear your voice by closing my eyes. You find this rude but actually I love listening your voice more than I will to speak myself. That's true.

I am a sort of person who has ability to utter non-stop. And at the same time I have a heart longing for a solitary world. Alone. People around find me an adventurous spirit. Always full of energy. But they don't that I am not only adventurous but INSANE too. I don't need a mental asylum but I am far from a normal human being. 

I don't believe in reality. I am always in my own fantasies. I have no idea of what is going on in brain of the other person when I speak. I really don't know because I don't have time and mind to know. When I have so many unsolved mysteries in my own brain how can I know what is troubling you. So forgive me at intervals when I loose my senses and act rudely. Things go deceptive at times.

Mumma says I am "impatient", "choosy" and my "preferences change easily". Alright! I agree! I am impatient because I am waiting since many years. I am choosy because I don't like anything and anybody else because my standards are high. (My first choice has set benchmarks; hard to break) and my preferences change as sometimes I feel your way of consoling is most adorable and other times I feel your anger is. But nobody sees that you are my preference since so long.

Everybody will find flaws in me. Not one but many. And I actually have many flaws. But finally I found somebody flawless. 💕