A Pocket Full of Posies (Book 2)

Chapter Twenty-Four

The next few days are better, less heavy. The downside is that it means the voices are more frequent. It's getting harder to stop them, and I don't know how much longer I can pass them off as nightmares to Connor's lapdogs. He keeps trying to talk to me like this is normal, like handcuffing the little brother you've not seen for ten years to a radiator is something sane people do.

I've been thinking about home a lot more than I want to recently. About Annabel, Ava, Carmen, Tom, Jamie. I keep wondering where they are. Are they still in London? Are they back at uni? Have they given up looking for me? Of course they've given up. They don't care. I shut the thoughts off. They care, they do care. I hope no one's worried about me. Of course no one's worried about you. With any luck, Annabel has found another spirit she can communicate with Ava through. What does she do now I'm gone? What will happen to her if I die? Connor would know the answer, but I refuse to ask him.

I'm thinking about everyone, about what they're doing, about where they are when I start hearing a distant chattering. No. Not now. Not now. I shut my eyes. The voices are getting louder.

"Come on, give in! Just give in!"

No, no, no. The chattering is turning to screaming. Please no.

"Why are you ignoring us?"

"Help us!"

I hold my breath. I can't keep doing this. I can't live like this, I can't keep living like this. More screaming. I crumple to the wooden floor and try and block my ears, but the screaming won't stop.

"Felix, open your eyes. Felix!"

I obey the voice, and I see Connor's eyes, and the guy is so sick and twisted that he looks hopeful. Like seeing me writhing on the floor gives him some kind of high. They keep screaming, they won't stop screaming. I hit myself in the head. I'm pulling on the handcuff and it's scraping my skin, but I don't care, I just want them to stop. Something grabs my arms and holds them still. I can't move. Why can't I move?

"Hey, hey, listen to me," Connor says, but he's so quiet over the screaming. "Keep your eyes on me and just listen, okay?"

"Let us go! Help us!"

"Listen to my voice, Felix. Focus on your breathing, okay? Push them out, just push them out."

"I can't!"

"You can, you just need to focus on something else. Look at me," Connor says, and I didn't even realise but I've closed my eyes again. I open them, and he's still gazing at me. "Just look at me, and listen to your own breathing."

The voices won't stop screaming. I don't know what else to do, so I obey Connor and keep my eyes on him. They won't stop. I force my eyes to stay open, and don't move them away from my brother. I can't hear my breath over the voices, how can I even try to focus on it? I try to hit myself in the head again, but I can't move my arms. Connor is holding them down.

"Stop ignoring us, stop it!"

"Help us!"

"It's okay, you're okay, just look at me. Take a breath."

I do as Connor says, and the breath is jagged, but I can hear it. I can hear my breath. I grasp onto it, and I can. I can hear my breath. More screaming. I try pretending it's not there. My breathing is shallow. Connor hasn't moved. I keep breathing, and I've never been more aware of my own heartbeat, and then it hits me that I can't hear anything anymore. It's worked. Has it worked?

"You're okay, you're okay," Connor murmurs, and he pulls me into a hug. "You're alright."

His voice is strong, and he's combing my hair with his fingers, and I hate how comforting it is. After a few minutes, Connor pulls away. He jumps up, and clasps his hands together.